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is blackouts or forgetting very basic info normal for people with BPD or sociopaths?  like she just told me her friends bday was in a month on nov 1.  i then told her i know a cool place to get a gift on nov 1 and she told me her gfs bday was on that day... .  this has a been a consistent behavior i have noticed for a few years.  also her texts seem out of sequence randomly sometimes, as if her response has no connection to what i said or what we are talking about at all... .

idk bizarre.  is this a BPD trait?

she mirrors my language patterns too... .

Most likely a trait that shows up when under stress or dysregulating.

Whenever I would get texts from my wife that were misspelled and disjointed, that was reflection of her mental state.

When she was "normal" I would get regular, well formed texts and emails.

I would use the indicators that you have found as "cues" that something is amiss.  Look for things to validate.  Pay close attention to her feelings.

FF

I once watched a movie with my uBPDxgf. There was a scene in it which she liked very much. It was a very odd scene with sweet music. Definitely something to remember, and she pointed out over and over after watching it that she liked that scene and that we should watch it again. And she cuddled up to me during the scene and said "wow this scene is so cool, I love it."

3-4 days later, the music from that scene came up on TV. I told her: "hey, it's the music from that scene you liked."

She: "What scene?"

Me: "That movie we watched the other day."

She: "What? What movie?"

Me: "Uh, the one with the scene you liked so much."

So I pulled up YouTube and found that scene. With the music. Ie, a clip of that scene from that movie. That we watched.

Her reation: "What? I've never seen this movie."

"Amnesia" is very common among pwBPD. It has to do with different things depenending on the situation. Many times, it's denial because of shame. Other times, it might be detachment and derealization, entering some kind of dream-like state (depending on how severe the BPD is - if you read my posts, you will soon discover that my case is one of the worst imaginable).

When she responds to you in way that lacks connection to the conversation, can you imagine that that is how she feels towards everything around her? She's probably very detached all the time. If you think about this, you can probably also apply it to pwBPDs way of blaming others all the time (if that applies in your case).

This is a DEEPLY rooted issue and not likely to change very much or very fast.

To be concise; yes it IS a BPD trait.

Yes, this is absolutely correct. In my case (it might be completely different in yours, but please play close attention), my uBPDxgf would also do this detachment (out of shame and denial, I guess) after doing drugs behind my back or cheating on me. If you suspect that something like that might be happening, I think there's not much point in confronting unless you have some kind of proof. Otherwise you will just be met with denial.

Has anything else happened in her life lately? Job change? Losing a job? New friend? Parents ill? Most stressful things can trigger this detachment for a pwBPD.

her gma just died a few weeks ago, she was acting very very bizarre, her texts were non stop, and massive love bombing... .  very strange erratic behavior.  also her mom is very unstable and im helping her move... .  idk, lately past few days she has been super super nice to me and very open, but tonight some of her texts were just bizarre.   like i told her i was going to get a cat soon, and she replied " eat a cat?' it was just weird... .  also the bday thing, she literally told me her friends bday a few hours earlier, and then forgot she told me... .this is a constant thing that happens... .  it almost seems like im a cartoon character to her, or like not real if that makes any sense

yes very similar things have happened to me past few years... .its really spooky

This happens all the time, but the problem is that you will seem like the crazy one. When this first started happening, or I noticed it, I thought my BPDw was messing with me, and purposely pretending to forget things and act stupid -- But, once I learned my wife was BPD, I started paying more attention, and she REALLY doesn't remember -- the memory is blocked, or during the conversion from short to long term, maybe there is a feeling of invalidation or an association with a negative though, either way, the memory gets purged.

And what sucks is sometimes its HUGE events -- like their favorite movie, dinner, food, event, whatever -- my BPDw says things that just seem nuts sometimes because of this, but now I just play it down -- The other thing is the distortion of truth. I am sure you know all about this, but hours become days, days, years, you never know. We can go out every day or 2 for a month (before the baby), and my BPDw would say "we never go out, we never do anything!" -- Then I list off every single event, and the $1000's spent on them, and she might remember a few, but many times, in her dysregulated state, without me calling on things, she would just go on her happy way telling someone on the phone, I am a monster than never takes her anywhere, when the reality is we would go out all the time.

You can insert "event" into this for your BPD, but forgetting, and reality distortion or temporal distortion is part of the BPD behavior -- good times :)

Well. They DO remember. In a sense. It's like when you try to recall a dream. It's fuzzy. But if you're in the right state of mind, you might recall it.

This also connects well with what you point out regarding pwBPDs lack of sense of time. When you're in a dream-like state, time does not work the same way. Short periods of time can feel very long and vice versa. Also, an event can be an hour long and many days long at the same time in dreams. This is their (non-)reality. This is where the exists. In a constant detachment from reality, some kind of limbo. It's absolutely horrible and must be hell to live in.

EDIT: Should also point out that this varies with severeness of BPD. In my uBPDxgf's case, it was VERY severe. Her life was made up of fragmented dream experiences. Speaking of dreams, by the way, maybe this is why they get so upset from dreams? Because they can't draw a clear line between dreams and reality.

 

Remember, these are emotionally driven memories... .not fact driven.

FF