BPDFamily.com

So, H and I are walking at the park. H is on a good mood. We're walking side by side, me a bit ahead of him. I hear someone coming up behind us, so I step in front of H to let the person behind us pass. As I step in front of him, he accidentally kicks the bottom of my shoe.

Now, in "normal" world this would not be a big deal, but in BPD world it is a huge deal, and here we go. H starts angrily saying that I "cut him off" and when I "cut him off" I should have walked faster so he wouldn't have kicked my shoe. He then steps right in front of me and stops dead so I bump into him and says , "How do you like it when I do that to you?" Then starts saying that I am " so rude" and that he is "not rude."

I'm at a point where I can tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and that there's no reason for him to be that upset, which is what I did. And because he's in therapy, he was able to pull himself back and things went back to normal fairly quickly.

THEN, a bit later, the same thing happened again, but in reverse. H stepped in front of ME to let someone go by, close enough that if I didn't slow up I would have kicked his shoe! I'm telling you, at that point I was SO tempted to start mocking him and telling him the same things he told me. I wanted to say "Who's the rude one now? How DARE you cut me off. What's wrong with YOU"" But I didn't. I let it pass since obviously no good would come from doing that. Oh, but I so wanted to!

The saddest part is that he never even realized what happened. He never realized that he did the EXACT same thing he raged at me for doing. *sigh*

 

Early on other members suggested I use the phrase (in my head) "nothing good will come of  this... "

Once I got in the habit of using that phrase... .when I felt like "letting my wife have it... " ... .it got easier to let things go.

If you want to "confront it"... stop... look him in the face... ."what are you experiencing right now"... .or  "help me understand the "energy" I am feeling from you know...

Stand by to validate...

FF

I truly understand how frustrating that is. Sometimes I think my BPD husband has absolutely no ability to "walk a mile in my shoes." Other times he can be compassionate and understanding.

I commend you for holding your tongue. It's very hard to do sometimes.  |iiii

Congratulations on having the self control not to throw it back in his face. I know how tempting it is to make fun of the pwBPD especially if they have hurt us in anyway. That is good your h is in therapy. I hope that things continue to improve. 

I think it's awesome you're standing up for yourself.  |iiii

If my uBPDh is being unreasonable, I will occasionally tease him about it. Albeit, I only do so if he's not in rage mood, because it is important to be respectful of a person's limits. But teasing can be a way to give a pwBPD a bit of perspective in a way that isn't mean or confrontational. 

I found my ex to be completely unreasonable, and to argue over obvious double standards.  Trouble is, i didnt keep it in, and clearly highlighted it told her she was wrong.  Another nail in the coffin for me i guess!  It was a major annoyance, and part reason, together with rages and silent treatment, that I started to research behaviour!  That brought me here!

Its mad how they all seem to do the same ___e!

I understand the struggle and sometimes fall into the trap of trying to show uhwBPD what it is he is doing but it never works out well. Well done on keeping the peace. I am finding it harder and harder these days