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Title: He's in a bad episode and it seems everything i'm doing is wrong. Any advice? Post by: sebastianquinn on October 04, 2015, 06:48:41 PM Hi everyone,
So first off a little break down of our relationship. We've been together for a few months now and are currently in a long distance relationship until my work transfers me (which could take anywhere from the beginning of November or late winter/early spring). He's currently in a depressive episode and as such is doing worse than usual. He lost two of his jobs (one for being gay and the other for no reason at all) which obviously hit him hard. At the moment he is very paranoid and depressed and at times suicidal. The past two days have been especially hard on him (and by extension myself) and I can't seem to do anything right. I need some advise. Please help me. Title: Re: He's in a bad episode and it seems everything i'm doing is wrong. Any advice? Post by: waverider on October 05, 2015, 05:36:45 AM Glad to see you reaching for help in trying to come to terms with this disorder. It does leave us confused and feeling a little helpless at times. Part of the disorder is a feeling of low self worth and being a failure. Not being able to keep a job for many reasons, non of which on the surface seem to be their own, is also common. You cannot do this for him without falling into the role of rescuer, this is a role once established is rarely temporary. What are the reasons that make you believe he is BPD? Waverider Title: Re: He's in a bad episode and it seems everything i'm doing is wrong. Any advice? Post by: thisagain on October 05, 2015, 08:45:56 AM That was my first thought about the jobs as well. I know it's tough to see anything outside of how terrible you feel that your beloved is hurting, but try to take a step back. If he is BPD, the odds are very high that he's manufacturing all these crises or bringing them on himself. You can't rescue him from himself, and you'll just wear yourself out trying.
There are a lot of tools you'll learn about here for those times when it feels like you can't do anything right. I would start out by trying to validate his feelings of sadness etc and don't engage in any arguments about what you supposedly did wrong. If that isn't enough to keep him from attacking you, you might need to use some boundaries to take yourself out of the line of fire. I know it feels cruel to (for example) hang up on him when he's clearly suffering so much, but in the long run it's the best thing you can do for both of you. He needs to learn how to handle his emotions without lashing out at you, and you don't deserve to feel like everything you do is wrong. Please stick around here -- we've all been where you are and there are ways to make it easier on you :) Title: Re: He's in a bad episode and it seems everything i'm doing is wrong. Any advice? Post by: babyducks on October 05, 2015, 08:14:20 PM Hi Sebastian.
Welcome. It sounds that you are going through a very difficult time. Dealing with a person suffering from the traits of a serious mental disorder can be confusing, exhausting and painful. I found it to be very helpful to educate myself, so I knew what I was dealing with, and that is why I come here. BPD: What is it? How can I tell? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=63511.0) One of the best places to start to learn is The Lessons and they are in the box that runs down the right hand side of the screen. There is a tremendous amount of helpful information attached to those links. The Do's and Don'ts for a BP relationship (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0) People who suffer the traits of BPD have intense emotions that they have trouble regulating, especially in times of stress. There are skills and tools designed by experts in the field of BPD to help with communication and crisis. Like any skill it takes some practice to develop. We can help. Is he receiving any therapy or help at this time? 'ducks |