BPDFamily.com

Ok so woke this morning to a phone call from my boss, bad Yelp review with my name all over it. At least my boss who has known me at work for six years recognized it was clearly a intentional abuse of Yelp to target me. Too many things on the review didn't add up.

We are going through yet another custody mediation review and it seems clear its BPDm is triggered and back to her old tricks. ( she has done a smear campaign on me before)

I'm so frustrated that this person is able to get away with damaging me at home through her child, at work through her anonymous reviews and financially in court, called CPS on me etc... When will it stop? I'm at the end of my rope!

I've never done anything to retaliate, I would prefer to just live and let live, but my god it never stops. Am I just in for another ten years of hell? Is it worth it?

Do BPD people ever move on? How do you protect yourself and your sanity? Please any advice is appreciated.

What's your husband's take on this, and what's the downside of telling her to knock it off? Him saying that, not you.

We have been n/c for going on three years. Only communication is between L's and when she sends random ranting emails about what pieces of sh_t we are. Those emails get printed put in file for L and are not returned or acknowledged.

I think she would love nothing more than to get a rise out of DH. A confirmation that she is getting to us.

We've tried acknowledging her fears and being understanding, telling her to knock it off and ignoring her. Nothing seems to change her behavior and nothing seems to sway her to move on. DH thinks we should just continue to ignore her and pretend it doesn't exist.

Their capacity to wage a unilateral war that we want/wanted nothing to do with is a hallmark of the disorder.

I think things don't really change until after a systematic smack-down by a willing court system. BPDs tend to be worse the more power and control they have and then it really ramps up big time when you go to strip them of some of that power and control. With my DH's ex it was like she had to always show him in every single interaction that she had the power in the situation by making things as difficult as possible. Like she "lost" if she didn't fight. It stayed that way until the court system stopped enabling her. (Even granting endless continuances is a form of enabling.) Once she knew she couldn't even threaten us with court because she knew she'd lose more is when things finally changed.

Well that's good to know^^

We pretty much have won every court case etc., this next round is to determine if she should be put in long term supervised visits. How much worse does it have to get for her to stop or at least stop campaigning against me and DH?

I can't believe a mother would lose this much time with her only child ( she only gets four days a month) and is at risk of losing that over her sick vindetta against us. To hear her tell it SD6 is her ENTIRE life, why not just try to be the best mom you can?

Instead she blew off the homework she was supposed to do with SD6 last weekend and spent her time teaching her to write my name so she can take notes for mom to use in court.(apparently she believes if she gets SD6 to write the notes she can take them to mediator and it will hold some weight)

Sorry I know, I know, she's sick etc. it doesn't make sense because she is disordered. But jeez! She is sane enough to think of these hair brain ideas, how about trying the thing every professional keeps telling her to do?

I just want to be left alone. She does everything under her anonymous cover of Internet or notes left on my car, or just scratched into my car for that matter, I don't do anything to her, why can't I be left alone? Her child's father got her pregnant, he didn't marry her, didn't want to be with her and was duped into their relationship by a very calculating woman.

It's been five years since we got together, married for three, isn't it time to move on?

How do I get the courts to see our quality of life is in shambles with her daily intrusion of hate?

I don't know how much longer I can keep going, it's not fair to the rest of my family or to my health. I used to be up for this but I'm worn down, it's exhausting and having her child in my home spying on us and passing on her mothers hateful sentiments is too much now. :'(

Well that's good to know^^Well that's good to know^^

We pretty much have won every court case etc., this next round is to determine if she should be put in long term supervised visits. How much worse does it have to get for her to stop or at least stop campaigning against me and DH?

I can't believe a mother would lose this much time with her only child ( she only gets four days a month) and is at risk of losing that over her sick vindetta against us. To hear her tell it SD6 is her ENTIRE life, why not just try to be the best mom you can?

Instead she blew off the homework she was supposed to do with SD6 last weekend and spent her time teaching her to write my name so she can take notes for mom to use in court.(apparently she believes if she gets SD6 to write the notes she can take them to mediator and it will hold some weight)

Sorry I know, I know, she's sick etc. it doesn't make sense because she is disordered. But jeez! She is sane enough to think of these hair brain ideas, how about trying the thing every professional keeps telling her to do?

I just want to be left alone. She does everything under her anonymous cover of Internet or notes left on my car, or just scratched into my car for that matter, I don't do anything to her, why can't I be left alone? Her child's father got her pregnant, he didn't marry her, didn't want to be with her and was duped into their relationship by a very calculating woman.

It's been five years since we got together, married for three, isn't it time to move on?

How do I get the courts to see our quality of life is in shambles with her daily intrusion of hate?

I don't know how much longer I can keep going, it's not fair to the rest of my family or to my health. I used to be up for this but I'm worn down, it's exhausting and having her child in my home spying on us and passing on her mothers hateful sentiments is too much now. :'(

Boy, I feel you, and you have many more years to go.  I have just three and keep telling myself we will be done with her crazy in 3 years, but she gets to keep it the rest of her life.  PM me and I will counter that yelp review!  We should have a smear campaign support center. 

What happened with the CPS investigation?  I worry bc our BPD mom is an excellent liar... .hope investigator doesn't buy it.

CPS and police ruled that mom " fabricated it for revenge" and in court speak, the charges were unsubstantiated.

But three almost four years later she is still trying to ring that bell. Wouldn't the fact that she is still trying to make that story stick make her look even crazier?

She is back to coaching SD6 that it happened and that she remembers it.

Thanks sanemom, I'll send you a PM.

^ THIS

Ditto.

Unfortunately for us facing high conflict and determined obstructions, court makes as small changes as possible, expecting the tweaks will be noticed and comprehended by the other parent.  It took me 2 years in divorce and 2 returns to court over the following 5.5 years, and a near full reversal of parenting custody and parenting schedule before my ex got the message.  Well, sort of.  The spite is still there and she erupts in cursefests occasionally.  I think part of it is that son is now 13, no longer 3 years old.

Ok, I'm listening, I'm getting this can be a drawn out process. I have one shot coming up ( not to sound like Eminem) lol:

What do you guys think might be a very succinct way to tell mediator what you have come to know, so that he might see what needs to be done and actually do it?

That would make me pretty upset.

Every time I hear a story she's told, it makes me really mad because they're usually pretty inaccurate and unfair.  I don't hear stories much anymore, because 1.) I stop anyone in their tracks before they share with me and 2.) She's never gotten a reaction out of me, which ultimately is what she's looking for, and so I think she's given up for the most part.  

I don't give reactions because it's not who I am. I counter all her smears by being me and allowing others to see me for who I am. And in turn to see her for who she is.

Kinda like your boss. Her attempt at your job seems to have been futile. I wouldn't stoop to her level either by giving another fake Yelp review. Only because that equals a reaction and it equals being dishonest.

I also try to say to myself, "Gosh, it must be hard being her." It helps me when I see that her attempts are symptomatic of a disorder that leaves her feeling pretty empty and alone.

You can't control other people. I also found the more I pushed, the more she was adamant to show me that she could do whatever she wanted however she wanted. That was my not accepting that she was a very difficult person who wanted nothing to do with being held to a set of standards I tried to hold her to.

I know this is just but one incident on the heels of many. I've been a party to a smear campaign myself and it sucks. I never waivered though. (well, ok, maybe a couple times in pure desperation I might have changed my ring tone to Eminem's "Puke" song)

It's so hard to rise above this kind of stuff. There is some validity to not fighting it though. No harm was done and your telling her it's not OK, may very well fuel the flames of an anonymous rampage.

--DG  

Thanks DG as always you make me want to be a better person.

And cheers to a fellow Eminem fan, lol!

I agree and have chosen to do nothing, but say bless her heart and live my life. What else can I do?

I am feeling like I'm getting worn out though and it's hard to keep my chin up when I feel like I take it on the chin daily. We spend so much money on therapists you would think we were all crazy over here! I'm pretty disgusted that she's still able to cause so many people so much grief. Who ever said no one has the power to hurt you unless you give it them had never met a PwBPD. :'(

It does feel very defeating sometimes.

I find myself getting all wound up in these pity parties --- when I'm taking it to the chin like you say --- because I kind of deserve it sometimes. I think it's okay to find myself in a little pile, feeling a little bit defeated and say, "this sucks and... .Is. Not. Fair."

Each time makes me a little bit better prepared though. Every time I handle it with grace and dignity gives me strength. As hard as it is, it also feels good not to have my values compromised by someone else's actions.

Keep your head up, bravhart. You have a good heart and sometimes when we can see these difficult people in our life as life's lessons, it helps. In the meantime, when they leave crappy reviews on a Yelp page to get us fired, it's okay to say they "kinda, really, definitely suck sometimes".  

Good for you for rising above it.

Thanks DG you as always remain my inspiration