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Title: She wants a dog - history says it'll end badly. How to Decide? Post by: ArleighBurke on November 08, 2015, 08:27:32 PM My uBPDw is pushing hard for us to get a dog. She's even telling the kids to 'ask dad'. I can't decide.
My thoughts are: - we've had 3 dogs previously. Last time we had a dog and a 2yr old child. The dog kept pushing the child over and so it had to live outside - which we didn't want. Also, walking the dog ended up being my job every day. - the dog before that we had with a newborn child. Wife didn't like the doghair inside so the dog again had to be outside which we and the dog didn't like - wife and I both work. I said who would have to walk the dog? She suggested our 11yr old son. I said I'd really enjoy walking the dogs with her at the end of the day - she often talks about walking with me - but whenever i suggest a walk she's always too tired or doesn't want to for some reason. When I asked whether that would change - she told me she didn't like waking with me because I'm too un-talkative. (is that her justifying? Changing topic?) - Wife has anxiety about open places - My wife had a dog for 5yrs while she was single and just out of school. She developed a very strong bond. She can vocalise that the relationship with any new dog wouldn't be the same. - She had a huge spit a few weeks back complaining about the "mess" in the house. She didn't like that the cat litter pellets dropped onto the floor around the cat box. She didn't like the cat hair on the rug. Dog poo in the yard? - Posible the kids will enjoy playing with the dog. It may get the family outside more... . So at the moment I'm the bad dad. I just can't see how it'll work. Perhaps I'm focussing on the negatives. Certainly all my wife's statements don't gel with having a dog. And the past dogs have become my responsibility (although we have had young kids then - right now the youngest is 6 so maybe that's different). Will it be the same? I'm trying to think how we can "prove" that it'll work. Perhaps we could dogsit someone elses dog for a few weeks to decide? Or I was thinking about saying to the wife "if we walk together 3 nights/wk until the end of the year - then I'll see that you're committed". Suggestions? How can I work out whether wife just likes the thought of the dog - or is willing to actually make it work? Title: Re: She wants a dog - history says it'll end badly. How to Decide? Post by: teapay on November 09, 2015, 05:15:12 AM Yes, this comes up in our house a few times a year and I have to knock it down for many of the same reasons you mentioned and probably a few more. The bottom line for me is I know it won't work and will just add more problems which no one would want to deal with. I'm the bad dad too. I pick my battles. Most things are okay or tolerable, but when I smell a bad egg I know I need to push back. In our case i know this is one of those bad eggs. Ultimately decisions effecting the family as whole need to be analyzed and made by someone who is thinking straight. This is not a problem in most families, but in ours one parent is clearly compromised. I can consider her input and usually accommodate but can't let her shipwreck things normally decided by common sense.
Title: Re: She wants a dog - history says it'll end badly. How to Decide? Post by: formflier on November 09, 2015, 08:59:08 PM How did the last few dogs end up leaving? We are several months into a new dog experience for our family. We have a tiny little thing. Adult weight will very likely barely be 5lbs. I thought those kind of little dogs would bug me... but I'm completely taken with this little dog. The crate is very small... .very little impact on the house... .etc etc. I was worried ahead of time for same reasons you had... .we have had some dogs go really well... and some go bad. For our lifestyle and location, I'm convinced we have the right dog and she has been a huge positive for the family. So, I'm interested in hearing more but right now I would push you 1. Determine the kind/size that fits your lifestyle 2. Present the changes that will need to be made to accommodate the dog. 3. Have some visual reference for that. You should be a very "junior" partner on that chore chart or whatever you want to call it. Don't shy away from having kids work for it. Same for wife although you have to approach that a bit differently. For kids: Set new schedule and chores and track it for 2 weeks. If they get it done... .let the dog shopping begin. If not... let them figure it out. Set the bar high... .if they want it... .they will jump over the bar and everyone will be better for it. FF |