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ok... it has been a hard relationship for 12 years... 3 years ago it became something i never imagined and a year ago a living nightmare.  I do not know know what to for my wife.

I have given up family and friends.  I have given up my hobbies... I do nothing now.  I do not go to the gym to excerise but like 2 times a month.  The past two weeks I am working not even full time.  I even went without my medicines for 5 days cause my wife couldnt let me from her side. 

I am passive agressive about it at times cause it is damaging my career and i am the only income.  Now she is having panic attacks right now.  Yesterday i only could work 2 hours cause she had a doc appointment then was upset when she brought me with her and i whispered that she is not answering truthfully the doc when the doc is asking about her history with drugs/etc.

What do I do?  As a good husband do I run everytime?  She is literally crying and hysterical in bed.  Then the kids she cannot help so its all on me mostly. 

I've read your history for a couple months here now, and that is where I'm pulling my answer from mostly... .

You probably shouldn't drop everything to support/help her.

I would put your work at a higher priority--don't leave work to support her (except for a doctor's appointment or a trip to the ER)

I would put your health at a higher priority--If you can make a schedule of going to the gym, do it, and don't to rescue her then either.

I would, however, drop a heck of a lot in order to protect and support your kids. Including her, if both she and the kids need something at the same time.

I know, this has to be really tough for you to hear and do, but that is my answer.

she is refusing doctors care... We tried a new doc yesterday and they refused to give her any mood stabilizers even though they diagnosed her as also bipolar and her psychologist recommendation.  She is losing it badly.  now the kids are going to live with her sister cause she cannot handle it and its tearing her apart more.

Last weekend I had to pull a knife as she tried to stab herself, but we were in the country in middle of nowhere and i had no clue where they even take her so she passed out drunk and I watched her whole night til morning and she then was back to normal.  Kid was with us so scared to scare him, and by time we got home, state of Texas would not recognize it as imminent threat so they would not involuntarily lock her up.

I'm with Grey Kitty.

Your work.

Your health.

The kids.

well... got her to go into inpatient with help from her doc.  I then told her doc about a suicide attempt on Friday and she doc hospital which told my wife who is furious at me cause now she will not get out as fast and wants nothing to do with me.  She tells me i ruined Thanksgiving for her and family

I hope you know that you are not the one who "ruined thanksgiving" even though she's saying things like that.

It sure sounds like anything she believes will hurt you will come out of her lips. Dunno if she believes it all or not, but don't YOU believe it just because she says it.

With her in the hospital, how much do you need to be there attending her?

Are you taking good care of yourself and the kids?

Wow. Sorry hurthusband  :'( :'( :'( 

I've been there.  Many, many times.  I know exactly what you are going through.

About 6 months ago, my wife attempted suicide.  This was after she swore to me over and over that her talking about killing herself was all talk.  I feel like I have to take all of her talk seriously after that. 

And like your wife, mine was in-patient.  And like your wife, she was kept longer than she wanted because I told the social worker how often she talked about killing herself (about once per day for the course of months).  They still let her out waaaay to early, in my opinion. 

And like you, I feel alienated from friends, family, and hobbies because of my wife's extreme neediness.  Things have been better lately, and I think her being on medication is a big part of the change.  But I've also changed.  I finally got to the point where I knew I couldn't keep putting my wife first.  My health was failing, and it was just getting impossible.  I had to learn to have faith that she could take care of herself.  Did she take care of herself?  Not well.  But she hasn't died yet.  I'm learning that most of her extreme needs can wait.  The world won't end if I don't help immediately. 

My advice is this -

First, use the free time that you do get for extreme self-care.  Don't feel obligated to spend all the visiting hours in the hospital with her.  Go fishing.  Hang out with buddies.  Watch a ball game.  Go for a bike ride.  And when she gets out of the hospital, keep it up.  If you have an opportunity to do something for yourself- take it!  Even half an hour a day is something.  Then slowly, you can start just taking time.  Don't ask her, just tell her, "honey, I am going for a 15 minute walk... "  See how that goes.  Some how you are going to need to test what is an "emergency" and what is just manipulation.

I really struggle with re-learning to find time for myself.  It is a slow, agonizing process.  But I have to!  You have to.  For you, and for your children.