BPDFamily.com

hey everyone just to let you all know that i am new here as i have been in a relationship with someone with BPD for 5 months now, before hand we were together for 3 months... then he ended it with me because he was struggling with it, I undrstood and accepted that it was best for him not to be in a relationship and to have time to focus on getting back on track... .3 months later i went to visit ( i live in leicester and he lives in Southend on sea.) we have been together since, we are both each others longest relationship and last time i was over, we spoke about the ages we would imagine ourselves getting married ect,, he has also asked me to move in with him next year. whenever i am with him, its perfect, he does have moments of being distant but that's okay i can deal with that, but when i go home i dont hear from him at all until a few weeks before i am due to visit again...   but a few weeks ago i was sexually abused by my ex and a family friend who is male and who knew me since i was a baby, was making sexual remarks towards me asking for sex when my parents weren't home. i told my partner about my ex but haven't had a chance to tell him about the family friend... .i am worried and have no clue how to deal with this ... .can anyone help?

much love and kindess

Katiee

hi katiee

and welcome to the family.   those are some difficult things to deal with.   I can understand you being worried.   have you shared with anyone else besides your partner what happened?   are you being supported by family and friends?   

before I say more can you tell us what your chief worries are?   are your concerned about his reaction?  the best way to deliver your information?  or something more?

'ducks

Why do you feel obligated to share that a family friend was hitting on you (in a vulgar way)?

In my opinion, you have been through enough lately. From what I'm reading, it's not your fault that these things happened.

Hi Katiee,

*welcome*

I understand how difficult it is to have someone refer to you in a derogatory way.   

BPD behaviors can be really confusing at times. It is understandable to be confused why someone distances themselves from you when you are not physically near them. It is common for a person with BPD to keep them a person at a distance because of issues with abandonment fears and separation anxiety.  PwBPD tend to have intense fears of abandonment and they are afraid that you are going to leave them. Many times a pwBPD will keep you at a distance in order to protect themselves or push you away because they believe you are going to eventually reject them. Also being physically separated from their partner causes them great anxiety. PwBPD have a very hard time controlling their intense emotions, such as anxiety, and many times engage in avoidance behavior to cope. 

Have you talked to him about the lack of communication when you go home?

hiya, thanks for replying much appriciated, i have done and he said to treat him like a child and basically say 'oi mate you arent talking ... talk to me bish' sort of thing... but i have anxiety so i do the usual thing and leave him to it, but some days i think maybe i am just company to him x

sorry but thanks for the help  i hope you understand what i am trying to say

oh his whole family say they sometimes struggle to get replies from him x

just to throw that in there  lol

From my experience, I have noticed pwBPD are not the most adept at communicating. It seems that your partner is like that too since his family struggles to get a response.

Although, you can improve communication with learning some tools and techniques.  Have you had a chance to look at the lessons on the right hand side of this page?  They have helped me so much with my relationship.

hiya sweet, no i havent but i will definitely take a look, thank you so much x