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I've been NC with my uBPDxgf for about 5 weeks now after a year long intensive relationship. She's my next door neighbour and textbook waif. As with many pwBPD she lined up her replacement before we ended for the final time and is now seeing him and sleeping with him. I've been fortunate enough so far not to see them together in the stair or outside the flat.

Recently I've been spending a lot of time away from the flat with friends and family and even have a potential date set up. All in all I've been feeling pretty good, almost not even thinking of her. I've started seeing a T which is helping too.

However, at work today one of my colleagues (who lives in the same flat complex and knows who my ex is by sight) told me she saw her walking the dog early this morning with a guy. I showed my colleague a picture of my replacement and she confirmed it was him. He obviously stayed the night at hers and although I suspected it was happening or would happen in the future this is the first empirical proof that it has.

This has left me with a churning/jealous feeling in my stomach and I feel like a lot of good work over the past few weeks has been undone. I know it's only a matter of time before I may see them in person.

I had done so well to lift the FOG and see her for the manipulative, cheating, mentally ill temptress that she is but now I can't stop thinking of her sleeping with this other guy right over the hall from me. All the tender moments we shared with one another came flooding back to me (some of which happened only a few months ago) and now she's with someone completely new and painting me black.

I cant help but feeling that she really likes this guy and won't cheat on him like she's done to previous partners, including me in the past.

What advice do others have for dealing with this situation?

I wouldn't bet on it.  She really liked you in the beginning to.  If it does end up finally working for her, then at some point you might be able to be happy for her that she has finally found some peace.  You aren't at the point yet, so all you can do is try to not let it get to you.  I know it really gets to me when I think of my ex with another man, anger and pain flood my mind and body.  The only way to deal with it is to accept that she is gone and let go of the feelings.

That's true. There is nothing to suggest she feels any different with this guy other than my own self doubt. Given her repeated patterns of behaviour in relationships I don't think she will ever be happy without seeking help. But I still can't match my head and heart completely.

It's tough man, I know.  I can't match mine heart and head either, don't know if I ever will be able to.  It's something I just have to accept.

She will cheat, and verbally abuse him, it's not about you! It's part of this illness, it's their coping mechanisms. Unless she's in deep therapy she won't be able to change, even if she dated a movie star. It's not in their DNA . That's why they are called Borderline! They border between two relams of reality and what they perceive to be real