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So I have been dating a new girl for a couple months and we have finally decided to put it on Facebook.

I have concerns about my ex, however. I have heard that some pwBPD get jealous and seek vengeance once they find the non has found someone else.

I have her blocked on everything, but I am still a bit afraid.

In your opinion, what kind of vengeance might she seek? In what ways can this person realistically cause harm to you? (Workplace, relationships, smear campaign, children?)

Yes they do, my ex turned up this week after 5 months and she was asking me if I had someone else and I told her that it was none of her business, she responded by saying she had better not find out I have.

Mainly a smear campaign. I also wouldn't put false accusations past her.

Do you think she would try to hurt your new gf? Mine was extremely jealous to the point of delusional; property damage included. 

What I decided to do, with help from an expert:

1. Allow the ex the luxury of a smear campaign to our shared friends - and hope that this lets him relax a bit:)) My friends know who I am. Never ever give too many explanations to people, either - except one or two very close friends that he cannot access, "my people". For the rest, either shift the convo or simply say that's a lie (if it's a concrete accusation, if it's a character judgment etc, rise above it, don't defend yourself, I may even grin and say "yeah possible" if I hear that I'm a sick woman:)) Do not take it any further. with people.

In the case of a false accusation about something incriminating, last resort: tell the person who is asking me about this that I may start legal proceedings of slander - I wouldn't know about the law in my country- and ask if they would like to be my witness:))

2. Professional environment: If you are afraid of access, or there is a realistic chance that she may be found relevant or credible in some way, the best defense may be offense. You can tell your employers that you are embarrassed to say this but you were involved with a troubled person who is unfortunately behaving in ways that violate your dignity. Apologise in advance for the inconvenience and say you are available for any questions they may have. (Or something along these lines that shows that you are the sensible and mature one. Do this confidently, rather than in a very scared manner.)

3. Private persons in my life: I'm single at the moment and don't have that risk at the moment, so we didn't talk about it. 

4. Definite definite NC.

I honestly have no idea.

She may not even care, she was the one who left.

She has in the past threatened me with a RO when she initiated contact last time. I'm afraid she would try to get me in legal trouble or something.

As far as I can see, many people are keeping an archive of their communications to be used as proof in the future.

Jealousy brings my ex back like nothing else.  If he catches wind that I'm seeing someone else -- something I have now done twice on purpose -- he will paint me white and come running back.  A couple days ago I dropped casual mention on a message board he frequents that I am seeing someone, and wow, by today he was making his presence pretty conspicuous and RSVPed for two parties I'm invited to.  He's checking the RSVP list about every hour to see if I am coming too.

Unlike many pwBPD, my ex seems to have dominant engulfment fears (as opposed to abandonment) so he is most attracted to me when I'm with someone else.  You can see why this is a problem.

Yes, jealousy is a huge issue for my pwBPD.  She contacts me whenever she sees me appear on Tinder (I sometimes delete my account when I get tired of it and then reactivate it, so she'll see me again even if she swiped left on me before).  I think it pisses her off to no end.  Back in the summer, a few days after she told me we would never be together, I told her that I had signed up for a few dating sites.  I never received a reply to that text. 

I do think that, whenever she texts me, she's fishing for me to compliment her, tell her I still want her, etc.  She's actually so afraid of rejection that she never makes the first move.  And I'm so shy that I never make the first move.  That being said, I don't want to be in a relationship with her, so I have no intention of making any type of move. 

I got some flack from people on here back in August, when she contacted me again.  Several people said, "She could just be sending you an update on her life and that's it.  It doesn't mean she's looking for anything."  But now, this is becoming a pattern with her.  She breaks up with someone she was with long enough to have gone through idealization/devaluation, gets on Tinder, sees me on there, and contacts me.  The first time, it was a tentative, almost shy, "Hi."  The second time, it was, "You really think my smile never touched my eyes?" (a reference to something I posted on Facebook).  She's clearly looking for me to say the things I said to her seven months ago, but I'm not going to randomly start telling someone I haven't seen in six months that she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.  That's not how the real world works. 

Unfortunately I only have our last text conversation since my phone broke.

I have her blocked on my phone, but the messages still come through if I look at my blocked messages. That can be helpful in this case.

Eventually she will see me with my new GF though. We live very close to each other and I have seen her multiple times. (I don't think she has seen me yet).

I don't know if it would be worse to let her see me with her in person, or if I unblock her from Facebook and let her figure it out by snooping (which I know she will eventually).

I feel like I am over thinking all of this. But there are so many horror stories about the vengeful BPD ex.

This happened to a friend of mine. He left his expwBPD after she had been cheating on him for a year (he didn't know). Eventually he started dating a new woman who became his fiancé. His ex started writing to her on FB trying to stir up drama. He handled it by explaining to his new girl that this is how she is, just don't engage her, eventually it'll pass. It worked. This was years ago, but his ex STILL stalks him occasionally and constantly asks about him to mutual friends. It's true, they never really go away.

Take this to heart as you start dating. If your new partner is level headed and understanding enough you two should be able to work through whatever your ex throws at you.

As far as vengeance goes, are they just as vengeful if they left you versus you leaving them?

Yes, probably even more.  If they leave, they tend to justify it by painting us black.  My pwBPD actually seems to have more respect for people who leave her.  It validates her, I think. 

pwBPD like being in control.  My pwBPD always used to say to me, "I do what I want."  But if anyone she's with has that same attitude, she snaps. 

That is something I want to know. My ex is the one that left me.

Yeah... .this is precisely what worries me about my situation. She left her OWN door pretty wide open to come back into my life, even though she's now living up the single life. The second she finds out I'm with another woman I can guarantee the phone calls will start.

Yes, mine closes the door before I have a chance to.  This time, it was immediate.  She texted me and said "bye" and then blocked me on everything. 

I honestly have no clear idea of where I even stand in her life when she does contact me.  I suppose she could have first found me on Facebook through mutual friends (I just recently got an account), but I think it's more likely that she found me on Tinder, realized that I have Facebook, and then found me through mutual friends.  When she comes back, it's usually pretty cold and distant.  It was a bit better this time, but I'm still trying to figure out if she was eyeing me up as a potential partner, as a friend, or just as someone to talk to for a few days.  Regardless, she made no attempt to see me in person and seemed content with just finding out about the past few months of my life through Facebook.