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Some members have pointed out I should look to myself and what I want and expect out of my current relationship (if you can call it that).

I have a choice. Now that got me thinking in a different way than before.

Let me start with what I'm hoping for. I have to be realistic and understand it wil never be great all the time ( no relationship is) and when dealing with BPD I'm going to have to be very strong to deal with it.

If we can get past our current situation I hope we can have a good relationship and when things take a turn again that I can keep the damage minimal using the skills and tips I learn here.

The events leading to my current situation are largely my own fault I believe. I was totaly invalidating her without realizing it. It drove her away so I'm thinking it might not be so bad next time if I use

the right skills.

If I succeed in making this happen I will have to evaluate the relationship. Does the good outway the bad or not? And that will determine if it is worth it for me or not.

If I decide the good is worth sticking around than I need to ask myself the next questions.

Do I want to marry her? Do I want her to be the mother of my children?

And I have to be honest if I would have to answer those questions right now. The answer would be NO.

I still have some hope and the strength to stick around for a while and find out if we might have a future. She is an amazing woman, unlike any I've ever met.

That is why I cant give up just yet and want to give it another go and see if my answer is the same or not.

I'm just putting down my thoughts here to help me deal with it all but feedback is always welcome.

Have a great day everyone

Hello Davy,

What state of events have brought your relationship to this point is NOT your fault.

If You have do have to assign blame, it would be equal between you two.


In order for this relationship to work and with the skills you learn here you first have to accept this is NOT your fault. As long as you continue to accept the blame the relationship will be very hard to maintain.  

You have to make sure she is accountable, have good boundaries, and be confident in yourself.

Do these things and the relationship might work. It'll be an uphill battle for a while, but you need to have a peace of mind within yourself.  Best of luck!

Sometimes I think it is strange that we first look for that attraction, that wow factor in dating, and then consider if this person is someone we want to be the mother/father of our children when both are important.

Ideally, one could have both, but to have both, we have to consider both. So, you've met a woman that for you, sparks fly, and she is amazing, but you don't want to marry her or have her be the mother of your children.

Then there is time. When we are involved emotionally in one relationship, we are not available to another. So, the more time you are involved with this person, the more time you are not available to meet someone who you do wish to marry and raise children with.

You do have a choice. One is to let it go and focus on yourself- and possibly meeting someone else. Or to continue with this one, even if you don't think it is one for the long run. But the longer you stay in this one, the more it becomes the long run.

Choices are not easy, and they can involve some emotional pain. It can hurt to give up on this one, but also by staying you are giving up on an honest assessment you made for yourself.