Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: ainteasybeinggreen on February 11, 2016, 06:09:05 PM

Title: Help for anxiety
Post by: ainteasybeinggreen on February 11, 2016, 06:09:05 PM
Hey everyone,

So—I've managed to block communication with my mother and sister who have BPD/BPD-like symptoms. That is the good (although consistently sad) news. Now, I feel like I have some type of generalized social anxiety/PTSD type of deal going on as a result of their emotional abuse (and subsequently emotional abuse I withstood from others, too).

I am in a mega tight financial place, and I am trying to find: a) solid online support groups for general anxiety/social anxiety and b) thoughts about a virtual therapist/counselor (I have heard of these things existing, but just not at all sure where I should go).

Any thoughts would be amazing- thank you!

Title: Re: Help for anxiety
Post by: ainteasybeinggreen on February 11, 2016, 06:09:50 PM
oh and one more thing—any recs for self-help workbooks around these topics too would be wonderful. Thank you!

Title: Re: Help for anxiety
Post by: HappyChappy on February 12, 2016, 10:47:56 AM
Hi Ainteasybeinggreen,

It is common for children of BPD to have "developmental PTSD" I do and there's plenty of good books out there at low prices.

The New Mood Therapy (CBT Self Help) (https://bpdfamily.com/book_review/david_burns.htm)

The two most cost effective (according to the NHS) treatments for PTSD are, CBT and ERDM. In essence even if you don’t have PTSD, the feel good book (above) is based on CBT and all the treatment seams to be about re-adjusting your memories that cause axiety. Worked for me. Here's a credible link (ignore the country specific bits) with more detail :


also if you want books on related topics:

Book Reviews - Top Recommendations (https://bpdfamily.com/content/book-reviews)

Best of luck.   |iiii

Title: Re: Help for anxiety
Post by: eeks on February 12, 2016, 12:16:05 PM
Hi ainteasybeinggreen,

I feel like "congratulations" is the wrong word, but I'd like to say I support you in the difficult decision to remain no contact, and honour the many emotions that go along with that.    

You may find that there is a lot of grief to work through.  For example, grieving that you did not and never will have a "normal" family, perhaps even grief about your relationship, career and other life choices that you now see are connected with your personal history in some way.  

Here in Canada, where I live, if your therapy is done by a medical doctor, it's covered by provincial health insurance.  I've also had group and individual therapy at hospitals (but not by an MD) that was covered.  However, the quality of that therapy varies widely (several years ago I saw a therapist who I am convinced he was only able to stay in business because clients could see him for free)

Do you mean no money for therapy at all, or a limited budget?  If your health insurance (through work or government) doesn't cover anything, you should look up some universities' psychology departments or psychotherapy training institutes, they may have students who you can see at a reduced rate.  

I'm not aware of any online support groups for anxiety that I can recommend, although they may exist.  One of the reasons I stuck around on this site was for the sophisticated level of discussion around psychology, which I haven't found in a lot of other places.

I have found Nonviolent Communication helpful as a way to learn the "nuts and bolts" of self-empathy, which children of disordered parents often do not learn (for example, if you had a problem at school or there was some misbehaviour when you were a child or teenager, did your parents try to find out what was going on and help you find a healthier way to get your needs met, or did they just say "stop doing that" or "what's wrong with you", label you lazy, stupid, or worse?)  NVC offers a different perspective, that all behaviour is an attempt to get your needs met (although you may be doing so at the expense of other of your own needs, or other people's needs, and you may need to find a better strategy).  So-called "negative" feelings like anger or sadness are seen as signposts towards unmet needs.

Many survivors of dysfunctional homes have a brutal "inner critic", would you say this is true for you?  


Title: Re: Help for anxiety
Post by: eeks on February 12, 2016, 09:59:26 PM
I totally forgot, I was going to mention Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.  I borrowed it from the library based on recommendations from a number of people here, and I just picked it up yesterday.

Title: Re: Help for anxiety
Post by: whirlpoollife on February 13, 2016, 06:04:12 PM
Physical exercise in the form of walking, or jogging, no cost Or yoga. With no money for a class , try utube.  I go to class for it but sparingly.   when I do make it it does a world of good for my mind because I have  to focus on listening to the teacher for each move so it stops my mind from racing.

And the balance and breathing involved helps the same. 

Title: Re: Help for anxiety
Post by: fromheeltoheal on February 14, 2016, 10:24:36 AM
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.  

GREAT book!

I've spent plenty of time anxious, and what works best for me is vigorous daily exercise, lots of hydration, a clean diet, and enough sleep, those are the basics.  And daily meditation helps a lot too, it doesn't have to be all formal, meditation can be as simple as sitting quietly, breathing slowly, and detaching yourself from your thoughts and feelings, just watch them float in and out without thinking or feeling them.  A little challenging at first, especially if we're used to moving way too fast and being hypervigilant all the time, that book will help with that, but after a while we can also focus on slowing your brain and heart rate down, totally possible with a little practice, and just chilling in that mellow place for a while.  If you do that for 20 or 30 minutes a day it will still be available to you when you go out into the world, it will even start to feel like "normal."

And then supplements.  Calcium and magnesium are calming minerals, and then there's 5-htp, SAM-e, B vitamins, ginseng, ashwagandha root, maca root, vitamins and herbal supplements that have been shown to be "adaptogens" and calming agents.  But to NOT go down to the drugstore, load up on stuff and start gobbling pills, educate yourself on what they are, how they work, how much you should take, and what the potential side effects are.  And of course, all of them recommend you check with your doctor before embarking on a supplementation program, but you are not the first anxious person in the world, and folks have been discovering natural aids for millennia, and there are helpful substances available, although diet, sleep and exercise still need to be first and foremost, there are no magic pills.

Take care of you!

Title: Re: Help for anxiety
Post by: ainteasybeinggreen on February 15, 2016, 11:19:59 AM
Hi everyone! A sincere thanks for such a great and thorough set of responses—these are all wonderful. I totally agree that the basics are important. I admit that I can frequently discount the basics—but it truly is a foundation to be able to deal with the stressors, for sure. The more I think of it, the more I think I am suffering from a type of PTSD—it's a very specific situational set-up that triggers a physiological anxiety. I feel like I am able to rationalize things and even understand why the PTSD type of reaction is taking place, but it's almost like something within me takes precedent and it can be very frustrating. I will definitely check out the Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving book—as I instinctively feel there may be quite a bit there that will hopefully apply.

Thank you so much!