BPDFamily.com

  Hi, I'm in a relationship with a BPD guy. We just met 8 months ago and I got pregnant almost immediately. I love him dearly and find it very hard to take his words when he wants to hurt me. I don't know how to react.

I've tried to educate myself about BPD and that seems to help. He also knows a great deal about BPD and is involved in therapy. I'm willing to believe in better future but also afraid on behalf of my child who will be born in 3 months.

Thanks for being there!

I apologize my English, it's not my first language.

I understand it's always hard when a child is involved. Wish you the best

 

This is a very hard situation you are in, do you have any close support who knows what you are going through.

How strong are you on your own personal values and boundaries, these are the most important aspect of caring for yourself.

Waverider

Thank you for your support!

This week has been exceptionally difficult. He is under a bit stressfull situation and that's something he can't cope with. He is blaming me for he's troubles even I have not caused them by any means.

Another issue is money. He needs to get some bills paid but has no money for that. I've promised to pay them with my credit card. I'm not sure if he's ever gonna pay me back but I feel I can't leave him in trouble.

I'm craving for his support, being pregnant and all. And I feel sad because I'm not getting any support.

Thank you all, writing here helps me understand my own feelings better.

Be careful of setting a precedent here.  This can quickly become a standard coping mechanism for him to avoid being in trouble. Then when you ultimately say no then you will become the persecutor and all the help you have given will have no currency.

I'm so sorry your going through such a difficult time. You need to take some time to get some healing. I know your sad and wish he could be there for you. But unfortunately his sadness and his pain is more unbearable than you could ever imagine. He may not be able to be there like you need him to be sweetheart. But if you take some time to take care of your mental and emotional needs it will help you so much. He will always blame and accuse you I know it's hard to understand but it's really not personal. When he accuses you of things try to think of yourself as another person. And empathize and validate his pain. I know it's asking alot... your pregnant and all. But this is the only way. I've been through a whole lotta pain with my BPD man. And learning how to not take his rages personal and learning to validate and empathize is the most challenging thing I've ever had to do. Especially when I'm so hurt myself. I will tell you though that the results are amazing for us. Also get a spiritual foundation. Without God and prayer I wouldn't have made it through. Dont loose hope take care of you first and foremost and God bless!

Hello Noel,

Sorry to hear about everything that you're going through and I know it can't be easy for you.  I would echo what Waverider is telling you. One of the traits a BPD has is a lack of impulse control which would include out of control spending. My exBPD has tens of thousands of dollars in debt with no sign of paying them off anytime soon and continues to add to them.  I almost paid them off if it wasn't for the sound guidance of this site. Waverider is correct, if you pay this off, then he'll expect you to do it time after time.

Since you're new here I would also encourage you to read the references at the top and to the right to learn even more about the Cluster B mental illness. i would also look for or ask your doctor about a very good therapist who is very educated in the studies of BPD to help you manage your feelings, emotions, thoughts and fears with your BPDbf.

You said, "Thank you all, writing here helps me understand my own feelings better."  I would also explore with your therapist why you were originally attracted to your BPD. Chances are you're a codependent like a lot of us here and learning about why and how you became codependent will help you understand your own feelings better.

Come back here as often as you need too ... .everyone here is here to help you find the path you want to walk.

J

Thank you again! I love this message board. A lot of support and so much information!

I feel like this relationship is kind of lesson to learn for me. Lesson of empathy and self-control. There's a long path to walk. But its not all up hill as you all know  :)