|
Title: Small Success Post by: misuniadziubek on April 06, 2016, 07:46:29 AM So two weeks ago, my pwBPD and I went over to his friend's place and his best friend gave me a massage and after we left pwBPD was sulking like crazy, giving me the silent treatment and later told me that I'd been acting like a s(ut and trying to make him jealous.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=291835.0 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=291835.0) - Original post. A few of you guys were helpful enough to point out that me making sarcastic comments was probably not helpful to my relationship, regardless of the constant jabs he makes at me and that he was probably feeling hurt/jealous/abandoned and so he projected it onto me and accused me of wanting to do that to him. And so... .I had a second opportunity to test this theory. We ended up going to his best friend's house again (Not my decision, particularly) and again the same circumstances appeared. He likes to spend the majority of the time on his laptop and doesn't really like much affection while he does it. This time I made sure that I gave him consistent attention and checked in with with him repeatedly. I bit my tongue on the sarcasm and only expressed positive things about him. i gave him space when he wanted and when he tried to do silly things to me that often irritate me, I just calmly and politely asked him not to do those things while smiling and being affectionate. I maintained connection with him and didn't exclude him from the conversation, so he was far more receptive and happier. And it worked. Zero kinks in the entire 2 hours we were there. Unfortunately, we got tacos after that and apparently I started eating one of his by accident because 1) Dark 2) Driving. He started berating me and being verbally abusive for 1) not checking that there isn't a C on it 2) continuing eating despite the taste and consistency of being of beef. Pretty much calling me *Fuc*ing dumb* The irony? The radio started playing a song called training wheels with the chorus repeating: Excerpt Love everything you do When you call me fu*king dumb for the stupid shlt I do about 6 times. He didn't like that. lol He turned it off promptly. I was dying inside from laughing internally. And then I lost control of the car because slippery roads + snowstorm + turn ahead and ended up in a ditch. Things turned out okay. My rear passenger door is slightly damaged because I hit a mailbox, but the Police showed up, filed a report, tow truck pulled me out and everything was fine. And my boyfriend was an absolute angel. Hugging me tightly, reassuring me that everything was fine and that we were okay and not to worry. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be there with me. Title: Re: Small Success Post by: lbjnltx on April 06, 2016, 11:25:51 AM That is a rollercoaster of a day you both had!
Meeting your so's emotional needs without resentment and with care and concern is a healthy choice on your part. That your so was able to recognize that the car accident and being ok trumped anything else that occurred that day and focus on it is great. His shift from blaming over tacos to comforting you after the accident is a big shift! I'm glad that you are both OK. lbj Title: Re: Small Success Post by: Bpdsupporter on April 06, 2016, 11:44:23 AM That story is soo real. Thanks for sharing that's definitely a real depiction of a day in the life with our BPDs. In the end we just love their crazy butts. Never a dull moment. But one great thing you did was remain calm and not take all their dysregulation too serious. I can tell he loves the mess out of you and you love him too. You got to have alot of patience, but people with BPD are still great and amazing people. Great story!
|