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Title: Have to report a little piece of progress and brag on my SO Post by: AntigoneJayne on April 13, 2016, 11:18:12 PM My partner, who I strongly suspect is living with BPD, had a little outburst last night. He went from fine to angry in a matter of seconds and got verbally out of control "at" me. He got angry at me and stated that we were going nowhere with this "stupid" relationship, and he hurled a few other insults at me. Rather than getting into it with him, I simply told him, "Hey, I love you. This isn't going to be a conversation that benefits us as individuals or as a couple, so I won't be responding to that." He continued on with more anger. I was actually deep down feeling the sting on some of the things he said, but I remembered about some of the things I have been reading up on, and I refused to try to argue or defend the irrational and hurtful things he was saying. I said one more time, "Obviously you're having a rough time tonight. I'm going to go to bed and hope tomorrow is a better day. I love you very much." I kissed him on the side of the cheek and went to sleep.
Woke up this morning and he didn't say much to me. But I got a text halfway through my work shift that stated: "Hey babe . I'm not sure what my deal as last night, but I love you. And I am very sorry." :) My partner NEVER just out of the blue apologizes like that. I usually have to wait until he's calm, remind him of the things he said or did, and then he apologizes. I dont know---this is exciting for me. It's just a small bit of clarity and progress, and my soul needed this today. There is hope! Title: Re: Have to report a little piece of progress and brag on my SO Post by: Bpdsupporter on April 14, 2016, 12:38:18 AM You goo girl! Great use of validation and boundaries. You got this! I'm so happy for you. Thats so awesome to read!
Title: Re: Have to report a little piece of progress and brag on my SO Post by: AntigoneJayne on April 14, 2016, 01:17:10 AM I am just so proud of him. It made my day. :)
Every little inkling of self-awareness that he gains makes me feel more like, "okay, we can do this. This is liveable." Title: Re: Have to report a little piece of progress and brag on my SO Post by: Bpdsupporter on April 14, 2016, 10:22:37 AM I felt the same way when I started using all these skills and taking care of myself. See when they are in an episode rationalizing just doesn't work. Listening and validation does! At least for me it works tremendously well in my relationship. You did an awesome job of setting a boundary but assuring him that you love him. Now he's gonna have an episode again but you will be prepared to really validate his pain. All they really want is for someone to connect with that. And with time if you listen and validate from jump the episodes won't have to build up to that point where they are insulting you or attacking you. So keep at it! This special relationship can work! Take it one day at a time. And let him fix his own problems.
Wait ago! Keep at it and stay positive! Title: Re: Have to report a little piece of progress and brag on my SO Post by: Mummyfixit on April 20, 2016, 10:18:37 AM Great job. You both feel better and a pointless argument was avoided.
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