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Hi. I was doing so well practicing my validation until today. I could use some pointers. I'm going through a minor health scare. In short, I found a small change in my breast - it could be nothing (I have lost some weight, etc), but I'm nervous and rightfully so.

I told my partner, and he thinks I'm just fine. I informed him of that I'd like my doctor to look at it and give his opinion... .And that's when things went bad. He insists I go to a different Doctor - my general practitioner- because she is a woman. My usual doctor for "female issues" is my trusted ob/gyn who happens to be male. He delivered my child a few years ago, and I know his family from church (small town). There is obviously nothing suspicious going on between us.

So basically, my partner doesn't like "some guy" touching me, even though it is a completely professional relationship, and I trust this doctor very much. Am I supposed to validate this twisted thinking? I've already made an appointment and have said "I understand you don't like the idea of someone else seeing me", but frankly I want to tell him to f--- off right now. My body, my health. I just want some freaking support. Any thoughts?

I can only speak for myself, but, it's your doctor, and this is something that will affect you more than any other. There are somethings that you have to keep for yourself. You have to take care of you first. There are some things that you just can't give up. Otherwise you're a doormat. I know it's hard getting hammered by someone else everyday and it starts to seem that nothing you do will ever be right with your other. It's you doctor, I have my own doctor that my wife doesn't approve of, but for me it's a safe place and she has seen my BPD mate and understands what I am going thru, she has help me in ways no other could have and because of her I am still here. Keep your doctor is all I can say.  I wish you well.

Thanks for your support, BlueKnight. I sometimes don't recognize myself, as I used to be so strong and independent. I'm working hard at not being a doormat, but occasionally something catches me off guard and I fall back into that doormat pattern.

Absolutely it is my decision and whatever he feels is not as important as my health and sanity. Again I appreciate your support and advice. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow.

You are validating his feeling, but you don't have to agree.

"I can understand the thought of another man touching me would be distressing - it would be distressing the thought of another woman touching you. And I am sure there would be doctors who flaunt their position and act inappripriately. I don't think my doctor is like that - I trust him very much and he knows me and how to help me get better. Thankyou for loving me so much and trying to keep me safe. I will keep your concerns in mind when I see him".