BPDFamily.com

Hi,

Long story short, after 2 court orders following enquiries (inc. a psychological eval - not psychiatric though), the judge concluded "ex is not mentally ill, although shows paranoia" (?), and canceled the extra evaluations that the social services had required.

Ex is gonna be granted another 6 months of supervised visitation, although now he'll be allowed to "go for walks all afternoon". And in November, back to court again, when the judge will probably give him full week ends and hols.

I'm so shocked. A year and 3000 bucks later, no proper psychiatric evaluation?

How on earth is a judge entitled to talk about mental health for Godsake?

Oh, and he claimed to be treated for depression  

I had no idea that depressed people were that violent and emotionless.

I'm just so tired of all this crap.

Anyway, now I'm wondering how the hell we're ever gonna be able to communicate at all:

- ex has made up a billion stories, including I ran him over, I used to beat him up, I don't take care of my kids well etc WHENEVER he saw me.

- seeing me triggers him and he gets really nasty, accusing me of what HE did to me, and saying I am the one who's crazy etc.

- he scares me to death (I'm trying to work on this, but it's hard)

Now, my son's only 2. How on earth am I ever supposed to be able to communicate about everyday matters (just as I do with my D11's dad), if my ex uses every single thing against me?

Surely the judge's conclusions will push him deeper into his delusions, and he'll get even more support from his crazy family.

Really, nowhere I look can the future be bright  :'(

Hi Indyan,

I'm sorry that the tests didn't work out. I know a lot of us would feel better if our uBPD's were dBPD's. It would probably make us feel better, like "See! I knew it! I'm not the crazy one!"

Your x is already on supervised visits. That's about as restricted as can be. What does your parenting plan say about communication with your x? What does it say about decision making for your S?

Keep your communications short, factual (not emotional), and in writing. He may respond with accusations and blaming and all the BPD stuff that triggers us into engaging so my suggestion is... .wait. Wait awhile to respond to anything he writes and only respond if it is about the S and if the messages really necessitates a response.

Hi Thunderstuck, thanks for your response.

No parenting plan yet, but joined parental authority when I asked for exclusive authority.

He tends to communicate in a factual, yet tyrannical way (when allowed to talk to me).

Last time was registered mail to demand that I inform him of religion/health/education regarding our then 1.5 yr old son within 8 days.

I didn't, and instead wrote in a "correspondance book" that I put in my S's little bag during visitation.

He was only seeing S for 1 hour every 2 weeks, and even then did not write in the book to ask about our son's tastes or progress. He demanded a copy of his health book, and then the details of the nanny.

I know he's gonna piss me off regarding every single detail of our life, when he did absolutely NOTHING when we lived together, not even his own tax papers. Now he's become a nasty bureaucratic sort of cop, it's so strange.

His accusations are to be read between the lines, like demanding the health book goes back to some terrible accusations of child neglect.

How did you get shared responsibility when he only gets an hour of visitation every two weeks?   Doesn't make sense to me.

I think writing in the book is a good idea. Keep copies of it so you can show that you are sharing information. He might start making it out to seem like you are withholding information and withholding S2 if you don't respond.

In the book I'd say it's reasonable to give the name and numbers of doctors. After a visit, write in the book a quick summary of what was done and said. Any medications taken, etc. If he wants to see the papers then he can go to the doctors office himself.

Nanny's contact info, that also sounds reasonable to include.

Religion and education... .for a 2 year old? I don't know. Do you and your x have different religious views?

Actually, I just informed him of the nanny's phone number (he'd ask me to arrange a meeting, which I didn't) and just said "religion unchanged, we're still Catholics" (lol) and doctor unchanged, same as yours.

Then when he asked for the health book, I just stopped answering back.

I did provide copies of the book to the judge to show how little he cared about our son's well being and that any normal communication was impossible. But the judge wrote in her conclusions that the way he asked was "awkward" but that he ought to be informed blah blah. She just preferred to ignore the pressure he constantly put on me (not mentioning the 1 yr constant harassment).

I do not understand the court order either in fact, I mean how come he's supposed to be "mentally healthy" (yet paranoid  ) and only gets to see S2 supervised by 2 psychologists?

Anyway, the judge seems willing to make him fit the apple shape when he's rather a pear one  

I'm pretty sure she wants to give him normal visitation rights from November on, providing "all is fine during his afternoon walks until then" according to my lawyer.

As if madX would burst a fuse in public... .