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Title: A hello from me Post by: barry.int on May 07, 2016, 12:53:31 PM Dear all,
An introduction. I am male, in a relationship with a BPD & Bipolar woman 5 years younger than me. She is high-functioning and highly educated. We have been together for 4, and are engaged. I hope to get some help and clarity here in my seemingly daily struggles in our relationship. I don't really feel like I have anywhere to turn, and no outlet. My family do not know about her condition, nor do the friends I have. I really hope that bpdfamily can help me. I think the ongoing struggles we've had has actually caused (and is causing) mental issues with me. I am on a list for counselling, but the wait-time is extremely long, and a few episodes I have had have really started to concern me. I guess the place for those is outside this introduction message. Anyway, I doubt I can "help" out others so much, and I have a lot to read and understand. Any pointers to the "technical language" would be handy, just so I can figure out what I'm reading. Suggestions or resources on how I can deal with conflict in our relationship would also really help - I find myself being drawn deeper and deeper in, and it really affects me. How am I feeling today? Quite down. We had an "event" last night, and once again I'm left questioning my own sanity, as she has the remarkable talent of rationalising the irrational. I started keeping a vague "event diary" that records (obviously from my perspective) when we have arguments, what it was about, where I get drawn in, how I react (and feel). I'm hoping this will help me recognize patterns in conflict and figure out how (for my own sake) I can deal with them. That's all for now - for specific topics, I guess I can post in the relevant sections? Thanks for listening! Title: Re: A hello from me Post by: lbjnltx on May 07, 2016, 02:59:27 PM Hi barry.int
Welcome to the family, we are glad to have you here with us! I'm sorry to learn that your own mental and emotional health are suffering because of your relationship with your fiancé. Learning to take care of ourselves is #1 here and we have lots of info in the Lessons to the right of the page to help you get started. Learning about your fiancé's disorder can help make some sense of her reactions and irrational behaviors (not that we agree with them, just that it makes sense in the context of her disorder). I'm glad that you are at least on a waiting list for counseling, most all of us here have participated in therapy... .we need all the help we can get. You are amongst those who understand your struggles and can appreciate the difficulties that you are facing daily, hang in there... .it can get better! Is your fiancé diagnosed and in therapy herself? Does she accept her diagnoses and actively apply what she is learning in her therapy sessions? lbjnltx ps, here is a link to the common abbreviations used on the site: What do all these abbreviations and terms mean? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=26601.0) Title: Re: A hello from me Post by: waverider on May 07, 2016, 03:52:34 PM Welcome also
We know exactly the feeling you described. The isolation and lack of available knowledgeable support is often a serious issue. Family and friends wont really "get it' and even with the best intentions are only likely to give invalidating advice such as "why do you put up with it?" A question you know you can't answer and only makes you feel worse. This is where this forum comes in. With regards to putting these things down in writing, here is the best place to do then you can work them though and get proper perspective. If you just keep them to yourself in a journal they will compound and make you feel trapped and miserable. Dont underestimate your ability to contribute and help others, we find helping others and workshopping things through to be the best way to making things clearer in our own minds. There is a lot to learn, but you dont have to been in a rush, it takes time to put it all into practice Waverider |