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So after one week of NC which ended pretty well I broke contact to let my ex know I have cancelled the Sky. We broke up 5 weeks ago and he has already declared his love for someone new. Anyway our talk last night turned pretty sour (always the way in a stalemate situation) and today I got a text having a go at me for initiating contact  (funnily enough in the first week when I was at my lowest and asked for space he kept initiating contact and even had the courtesy to ring me at three to tell me he overdosed by mutual hey ho) when I explained my reasons for contacting him.  (To cancel the direct debits and not intending to flare anything up) I got a pretty nasty text calling me a coward for leaving him and also he's glad it hurt me finding out he was in a new relationship. Let's just say I'm glad my counselling session was just before because my head was pretty messed up and I'm not sure what I would have done if I was left to my own devices... .

But tonight I have sent my last text followed by blocking him from any kind of social media. Here goes... .

The last text... .

"I want to thank you for earlier. Firstly the timing. It's probably a good thing I had a counselling session shortly after because for a good while all I wanted to do was stop functioning and wrap my car around something to end it. Pathetic i know. I've read and reread that text and if there's anything I can say about it is that it was unprovoked and uncalled for.

I have to thank you for a second thing. You've done one

thing today and one thing only. You have now shattered any kind of hook or love or respect I had for you. I no longer care who's bed you sleep in. I no longer care if you declare your love for someone else. Because the only one I feel for now is <new partner> . I can only hope that man is equipped to deal with the words you WILL haul at him.

I hope one day you will get better. One day you will grow from everything you've done. Not just to me but to the other people in your past you've punished for the pain you've been feeling for all this time.

I will grow from this and I will learn. You will never hear from me again after this. This time you don't get to say sorry or say I deserved that."

And that's it... .I've made a vow to myself. No more contact. I'm not going to put myself through any pain. My counsellor said I was hooked... .and the only thing I can do now is destroy those hooks once and for all. I'm still a long way from recovering. Part of me wonders if I will ever heal at all from this... .

That's a clear, strong message. Knowing him, do you think he will respond, or is he blocked.

I've blocked him from everything I can think of so I don't think he's got any chance. But I guess that depends on how strong his desire is to recycle. I won't respond. I want that horrible and unprovoked text to be the last thing he remembers sending me. I'm taking the power back for me and not going to forgive him anymore.

harleyquinn,

That was a brave and strong step to take. I commend you for putting yourself and your recovery first. I know it isn't easy.   Now your full recovery can begin. It won't be easy and there will be ups and downs and all arounds, but you can get through this and thrive again.

We're here for you.

heartandwhole

Thank you very much for your words. 

It's been difficult but most people would say 5 weeks too long! I've been going through counselling and I think being told that I'm "hooked" made me think. You get "hooked" on things where there's a buzz. You don't get hooked on things that make you feel terrible and make you cry!

But I understand now that NC is the only way forwards on this. Time to start healing... .