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Title: Relationship Question Post by: ShesAsking on May 09, 2016, 11:32:30 PM Hi, I'm new here and I've recently started dating someone who has been diagnosed with BPD. I knew about everything before the relationship so I wasn't thrown off by the knowledge. I am not highly educated on the subject of BPD aside from the google explanations and I just want to be able to feel like I'm able to be the best me in this relationship. What I'm getting at is, how do I approach establishing an open communication about what is and is not okay? I'm well aware, and am able to handle the angry outbursts, but I want him to know that I will not tolerate them if they are aggressive towards myself. If he does have a fear or insecurity I am happy to talk it out with him, but not when they are being driven with an aggressive force or undertone. He makes me so happy, and I want this relationship to last, I just need a stronger knowledge on what to expect and how to handle things. Thanks for your help.
Title: Re: Relationship Question Post by: waverider on May 10, 2016, 08:32:37 AM Hi, I'm new here and I've recently started dating someone who has been diagnosed with BPD. I knew about everything before the relationship so I wasn't thrown off by the knowledge. I am not highly educated on the subject of BPD aside from the google explanations and I just want to be able to feel like I'm able to be the best me in this relationship. What I'm getting at is, how do I approach establishing an open communication about what is and is not okay? I'm well aware, and am able to handle the angry outbursts, but I want him to know that I will not tolerate them if they are aggressive towards myself. If he does have a fear or insecurity I am happy to talk it out with him, but not when they are being driven with an aggressive force or undertone. He makes me so happy, and I want this relationship to last, I just need a stronger knowledge on what to expect and how to handle things. Thanks for your help. Welcome, it is a good start that you have found a place like this so that you can share and talk through your journey. The people here speak your language and can help guide you. You will find that you have to adjust your ways in a fashion that seems counter intuitive. What you are really talking about here is how to establish and maintain control of personal boundaries. This is essential. What does take getting used to is that this is not a negotiated, and agreed to set of rules. When we try to do it that way all we end up with is a set of 'demands' which although may be agreed to are flouted in the moment. Your boundaries are determined soley by you, and enforced completely by your actions, and of which no one else is relied upon to be amenable with. In short, your bluff will be called and that hard question of "well what you going to do about it?" will be tested. You need to be clear about this before setting any boundary. Neither do boundaries need to be discussed, they need to be actioned, and most importantly with consistency. They are not easy so you have to reserve them for essential issues. Anyway you will get the hang of this and many other things. The process is to change you, rather than changing him, for that is what you can control. Are there any specific issues that are concerning you to start with that you would like some pointers with? Welcome to bpdfamily Waverider |