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So I've had quite a journey with my pwBPD. I love him very much and I have learned so much and grown so much as a person because of him.

I'm struggling with an area though. I've been reading and researching alot and would love feed back and tips to help my partner during episode of psychosis that he has.

What's the best way to support our BPD partners when they are experiencing delusions and have really blurred realities.

My partner is a very spiritual man when he dreams there have been times that the dreams will occur in reality. So he really believes that his dreams are true and real. So sometimes he has dreams about me cheating on him and pulling a wool over his head about it. These dreams are really terrifying for him. and they are 100% untrue. I've been completely faithful to him... .so I always just listen and empathize with him and tell him that it must be terribly terrifying to have such dreams about me. This really helps him, but a few days later he will feel very suspicious of me and skeptical. It will cause him to do things like record me or look through my phone for evidence. One time he recorded me and swore up and down that he could hear heavy breathing and me morning having sex with someone else

My heart felt so bad for him because he was in such a state of psychosis. I could really feel how tortured he was feeling. Again I just listened and tried not to defend myself or  attack and invalidate what he was going through. I could tell he was really suffering in his emotions.

So eventually after listening and talking it out he final came to a place of peace.

But I really would love to hear more feedback and tips to help my pwBPD when he's going through delusional states. Whats the best way to handle delusions and paranoia?

This is a hard one, I have been through variations of psychosis and paranoia. I try to bring it back to how this is making them feel rather than what they are actually thinking. Asking which comes first the feeling or the thought?.

Often it is initially a feeling, and the thought comes afterwards in an attempt to give the feeling substance and validity.

eg "i feel insecure"... The must be a reason "you are up to something". The mind then goes into overdrive looking for evidence that is not there.

Feelings can't just be, someone has to be responsible. pwBPD struggle to accept the incomplete/unattributed, there must be a conclusion whether realistic or not

I think it is important to hold on to our own reality, be empathetic towards their feelings, but not accept the delusion.

I have a friend who sadly became schizophrenic. Her hallucinations are worse than anything I have heard from someone with BPD, yet she still is in many ways the same sweet soul I know. What do you say when someone tells you the radio is talking to you and it even isn't on? I can validate her feelings- " that must be really scary to you" -try to get to the part that is real to her- she is scared. Not the delusion.

Same with BPD. "I bet that is scary to think I was cheating on you".

If something isn't true then there is no reason to defend it. That feels invalidating in the moment. I have been accused of cheating, but I am not. Trying to argue that I am not seems to make things worse. So saying something like " wow that would feel terrible" might get the discussion on to the feeling.

Wow... .thanks guys. That is the perfect advice I needed to hear. I feel like you both are saying to focus on the feeling. And your absolutely right... .he tells me all the time about a deep upsetting feeling in his gut so I guess he's just trying to figure out why he is feeling that way. Unfortunately some of the reasons he comes up with are pure delusions. When he begins going down that road in the past I would try to rationalize and get so frustrated with him. Now my heart just feels really bad for him because he says some really far fetched conclusions. It's really sad to see.

This relationship is hard for sure sometimes. The good definitely outweigh the bad. It gets hard though cause I hate to see him suffer so much. And there is nothing I can really do. I know he's got to solve his own inner turmoil about me. What's scary is that he may always have to deal with that.

On a good note though we talked this morning and he apologized for his last delusional episode. So I must have done something right. I wasn't sure because we kinda went back and forth cause some stuff he was saying was triggering me to be defensive. So there were several times I had to stop and be present and just listen. It is soo so hard to do. But I think I'm getting better. And he's doing better too.

Thanks for the good advice empathy and support!

Such extraordinarily good advice on this thread! BPD Family never ceases to amaze me.

My husband is someone who, sadly, became like the friend Notwendy describes here. As you know, or are learning, it doesn't go away. Over time, the best thing you can do is to keep rolling, not let each episode of verbalized psychosis drag you down or eat up your day, and react as calmly and compassionately as you can.

If you're in this for the long haul, you will have years and years to practice. But you are already doing very, very well.

Thank you for posting the question... .I needed the answer too! :-)

 

Paranoia is a tough one to deal with.  In my relationship I figured out that if I could stay away from "direct invalidation" (also read proving the paranoid theories untrue) that the frequency and severity of the theories (accusations) went way down.

Step 1:  Maintain your own sanity and consciously think "I don't want to get pulled in".

Step 2:  Is there something here to validate or to be supportive of my partner.

Of course if it reaches a boundary, enforce it. 


If a delusion goes on for a while, especially if it is directed at you, make a conscious decision to step up your self care.  Once you realize you need more, it's probably too late.

FF

My husband is exactly the same... .and it's hard to defuse it when they "pull the God card." I do think my husband had a spiritual awakening, but he makes meaning out of dreams that I can't fathom.

I never thought of talking about the feeling behind the delusion... .I will try it as well! Thank you for posting!