BPDFamily.com

Earlier this week I finally went through my apartment, computer and cell phone and deleted/removed every trace of my ex.  Every picture, every message, every note.  It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  Every picture I saw only evoked feelings of "well, you weren't who I thought you were."  Most of the messages were apologies for misbehavior and for breaking relationship rules in place for her benefit and sobriety.  They all follow the same pattern - big promises, zero delivery.

I should say that I deleted almost everything.  I kept copies of the messages I sent her when I was frustrated and at the end of my rope, and desperately trying to make her understand both me and herself.  Those I need to keep as a reminder of all the ways she was manipulative or weak-willed.

I just woke up from a dream about her.  It was one of the usual ones - out looking for her, out playing detective, sure she was doing something she shouldn't be.  After looking for her for a while and blowing up her phone, I got a text from her saying that she was at a local bar with (unfamiliar man's name) and that I'd better pick her up.  Dream-me's response was to laugh and think, well, good luck getting home.

Usually I wake up from a dream like that and there's a sense of disquiet that hangs around me for a while.  But there's no cloud over my head today.

Getting a little better every day.

I kept a lot of the texts, etc. just in case potential legal actions could surface later on.

I definitely kept copies of our breakup conversations, after we first got physical intimate, etc. just to be sure she can't pull a fast one on me later on.

Hi freemanstrut,

That IS progress. Well done! I always like to read posts like yours because it gives us all on the forum hope that things really do get better.

Keep on keepin' on, and let us know how good life can get.  |iiii

heartandwhole