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That moment things are going so well in your relationship that for two seconds you think BPD is just a faze your partner is going through. Then you have a day where your HALTing (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and PMSing and your own emotions are dysregulated so you start JADEing and invalidating your partner because you think that your partner will actually be empathic about your feelings because things have been going so well for some time... .but then you realize... .NOPE... BPD is real and is still there. So you have to put all your pride and whining and "what about me" attitude away and start validating and listening because you realize that's the only way you will eventually be heard. And that no matter what your partner is mentally ill and can't see clearly no matter what.

BPD is real... .its always there even in the good times, sometimes I forget. It's challenging but I love him so much. And even though I  gotta step down and humble myself emotionally it's the only way I can eventually get to a place where I can be heard. When he's calm he eventually hears me and validates me, but it's always when I least expect it.

This road gets tough sometimes.

Thanks for listening.

Always there, its just not always confronting, so we can forget and let wishful thinking take over to the point we inadvertently trigger it back again.

This is why it helps so much if we can make permanent changes to our personality so that we treat ALL people with empathy, compassion and dont invalid people then our default mode becomes the"best practice " one. Or at least the best it can be as we are only human.

How true that is! How frustrating and draining! It certainly means you have to be grounded and strong. But of course there are rewarding times too, otherwise we wouldn't be able to continue. The disorder reminds me of my stepson's schizophrenia, which was constantly there, but was more apparent in some phases. We were told to try not to be emotional round him, as emotions could trigger episodes.

My pwBPD has been a real pain for the last month... .and today I wake up to find he has publicly thanked me on FB, and said he couldn't make it without me. Surprise.

Supporter, thanks for your support, thanks for being on this board, keep writing, because it helps to know you are not alone. We need somewhere to be open, honest, and heard.

Thanks guys for understanding.The struggle is real but on the upside. My pwBPD has totally been open to alot of things. We talked extensively about validation and he completely agrees that is the best thing to do for him when he deregulates. He also said that he will work hard to try and validate me as well. And he's been making some amazing efforts. So as hard as it was to put aside all my crankiness and just listen and validate him it pays off in the end cause when he feels validated and heard, he then is able to be there for me.

It's wonderful to that we now have words to help when there's friction in our communication. The other day he said your JADEing right now. He totally called me out lol. But I appreciated him saying that it was a really good cue for me to get up out of my funk and take the time to listen to him.

Relationships are hard especially with someone who is struggling with BPD but having the tools to communicate better and alot of love, makes it all worth it in the end.

Thanks for being a great support group bpdfamily... it helps to express these things to people who know what it's like.

It does feel more worthwhile when you are are on the same team, rather than just constantly opposing each other. This is why I put avoiding unnecessary conflict up there on the priorities.

It is easier to handle being an occasional outlet for frustration than being labelled as the "enemy" who is responsible for all their woes

Yes very true. I watched a great documentary on YouTube about BPD and a mother whose daughter had Bpd gave a great analogy. She brought up the comedian Gallegaer who use to go on stage with a hammer and smash watermelons. So everyone on the front row had to wear raincoats or plastic bags as the watermelon spwed all over them. She likened this to how she reacts when her daughter is feeling dysregulation she knows her daughter is going to spew all sorts of things so she gets her raincoat on, because majority of the time it's not personal our pwBPD just have to get the emotions out or it will drive them crazy. Usually if we just let them get it out and don't judge they feel better.

This takes alot of patience though. It's not easy having someone unload all that watermelon on you. But if I just stay confident in who I am continue to be loving compassionate and validating once the watermelon smashing is done. I can take the raincoat off and then we can really heal and support each other.

Oh here's the video if you haven't ever seen it. Marsha Linehan and lots of other professionals as well as testimonies from people suffering from Bpd and their families are interviewed. This was the first documentary that gave me a really great perspective and understanding about BPD.

https://youtu.be/967Ckat7f98