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All, need some advice and insight on the following.  I have been having ED problems for about 10 years.  This has caused a strain in our marriage, primarily because I know the issues are psychological while my wife feels excessive masturbation is the cause.  Although I know it's not a problem, I have attempted to stop masturbation completely several times with no luck because my wife has such a problem with it.  Lately I've been trying again and have been doing well so far.  Anyway, about a month ago, I researched some herbal supplements for ED and also my doctor told me my liver function was abnormal due to drinking so I was trying to find something for that as well.  I found some good supplements and ran it by my wife.  Usually she wants to research any medicine I take that a doctor prescribes prior to me taking it... .the same with supplements.  I can do my own research but this makes her feel good so I go along with it.  She never got around to researching and I really wanted to get started so I went to the Vitamin Shoppe and bought 3 separate supplements.  She commented several times over the next few weeks about researching supplements not being my thing and implied that maybe I was talking to someone else (another female) for advice.  Each time I reiterated to her the reasons why I did it on my own and why I went ahead and got them because she never got around to doing it.  Eventually she looked them up because I again brought home information from the internet about the supplements and felt they would be beneficial to her as well.  She agreed they were good picks but again mentioned the change in me, seeing it in a negative light.

Over the last few weeks, my face has begun to break out.  Never really had an issue with acne or anything but when I seen it wasn't going away, I asked her what would be good to put on my face to clear it up.  She suggested a couple things so I started putting some on the bumps.  So she commented about the "change" saying how I'm now taking care of my skin, buying supplements for my health AND... .now I'm ironing my clothes and making extra efforts to look good.  I disagreed with her that these were significant changes... .as there were reasons for the supplements and the skin maintenance and I do not iron any more now than ever before.  I have always ironed my clothes, particularly when they are wrinkled excessively but will forego ironing if what I'm wearing is not wrinkled or not so much.  I probably iron an average of twice a week... .rarely have I gone the whole week, ironing every day except when I first got this job.  Her memory tells her different and ANY change means I'm either cheating or trying to impress some woman at work.  Our daughter, as always, backed up her mother on the "changes,"  which now makes me a "liar and manipulator."  We got into a HUGE argument about it. 

Last night as we got in the bed, I put my arms around her (she complains that I never do that anymore).  She commented that I must want sex because I never show her affection unless I want some.  I told her I was hugging up with her because I wanted to... .not looking for sex.  Then, she agreed that was probably the case because I don't seem to want sex from her now because I hadn't approached her for sex.  I just got back in town on Thursday, I approached her for sex on Friday and it went good.  I reminded her of that and she felt since we hadn't had sex in over a week, I should be hungry for it.  Perhaps I was masturbating or my interests are elsewhere.  I told her she was off base and reminded her the kids were there all day and the night before, she went to sleep early.  I also told her that I have hesitated initiating sex for a long time due to the ED issues and that she could initiate as well if she wanted it.  I never turn her down.  She told me I was lying and trying to manipulate her... .what I said was not true and I was looking for excuses.  She got mad and told me she was not going to have sex with me again and commented about my face breaking out meaning I was "doing something with someone I'm not supposed to" etc.  She hinted that she was going to start doing her own thing and lying to me about it.

Today, she called me and apologized for asking me the questions from the night before and swore she would never ask me anything again.  She's now going to keep her feelings to herself and go with the flow because when she expresses how she feels I get mad.  So therefore, she will keep her thoughts and feelings in and hopefully will not react to what she thinks since "I don't want her to communicate."  I told her I have no problem with her communicating... .I have a problem with her communication always being me doing something to hurt and disrespect her when I'm doing nothing but when I try to explain that to her, she blows up and calls me a liar and manipulator.  There has NEVER been a time where she backed off and told me she looked at something wrong.  Any explanation or proof I provide to show her she was wrong is dismissed and chalked up as me always having an excuse.  She told me she know me better than anyone (even myself it seems) so she knows who I am and what I'm capable of.  And even when I know she's right, I lie.  I suggested counseling to help the communication but she says it will not work because I lie all the time.  She constantly makes up stories about things I've done that I never did or tells me she knows things about me that she will not tell me because it's her "get out of jail free" card.  She says I need to own up to my wrongs or she will lie and not give me honesty.  I know she doesn't have anything on me because I have NEVER cheated on her.  I'm tired of these conversations that come out of the blue usually and have been going on for years!  I am not the person she is trying to paint me as and it bothers me deeply that my character is always attacked!

I think you must be married to my wife, or the version of my wife that was around a few years ago.

I am mobile, so this may be quick.

1.  Stop JADEing.

2.  Manage your  own medical care

3.  Make it  clear that you value your wife's opinion and that in some cases you may have a different opinion.  And that is OK.

Hang in there

FF

Sounds like your wife is reading from the same script that my uBPDw often reads from.  It's frustrating. 

I agree about FF's "stop JADEing" advice.  Explaining yourself in a lot of detail and trying to prove them wrong will typically backfire.  I get better results when I minimize all explanation and refuse to take the bait on her baiting comments. 

That's what I need to master, not JADEing... .it is SO hard!  I allow her to bait me in and it goes left.  I wish I could get to the point where none of the accusations and insults bother me.

If I could pick only 1 of two skills for you to master, choices being (no Jade or don't take the bait).  I would pick don't take the bait.

Here is the thing.  Sometimes an explanation is needed.  Give it clearly, once and then let issue drop.

You will have more of a strategic advantage if you realize when "the bait" or "gauntlet" has been thrown down.  Just let it sit there... .go on with your life.

FF

The precursor to that is to value yourself and stop feeling guilty for not complying with her "demands'. Its your life and you have a right to choices.

Her needs are not the benchmark your should be striving to fulfill.