BPDFamily.com

So this might be a fluke, but I thought I'd bring it up.  As I have improved with my own issues and have learned validation my wife has started to pick fights and lose friendships outside of me.  I didn't think anything of it at first, but I can't help but think that she is seeking conflict elsewhere.  Any experience or thoughts on the issue?

Yes, that is what I dealt with.

Once I stopped letting him get to me, put up boundaries and didn't try to show how bad he was treating me it got weird. I disengaged with sbxUNBPD he went crazier at work, picked fights with new neighbors and doesn't live here, and  fights with friends. He fought with other gamers online,and every woman at work we a *****

When you step back and look at all the chaos they cause, rages, fights, hurts, heartaches, and drama all the time.

It is peaceful for the kids and I, we don't have constant dramas, problems or him causing hurts and fights now. He is out of house and it is a no drama zone. He tries believe me, calling with, trying to push my buttons, hurt me. I just try to let it all go.

They seem to need to project, rage, triangulate or worse when upset. Seems to make them feel better to have a scape goat. When we disengage the other people in their life get the brunt end of it.

Amazing isn't it?

It's good that the conflict seems to have died down for now on your side, but you still seem angry.  Is that how you view her,  as a parasite?

I noticed it in my relationship too as conflict reduced. But there is possibly an element of you being more aware of it.

I think this is an inevitable part of damage assessment after the storm, the detox if you like. A healing mixture of resentment and distancing before you can start to realign. It takes a while to then move on to the rehab side of a relationship, and get past the cynicism

Poor choice of words.  I was just thinking from what I've read before.  I love her a lot and we are getting along great, but I had just noticed that she has created conflicts with two of her best friends in the last week.  Like I said, could be a fluke and maybe I posted this too quickly.

If it's how you feel, it's how you feel  :)

I like what waverider said about a healing mixture [of emotions and actions] before you can realign. Though not a Stayer, that kind of describes what I went through as a co-parent.