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My NPD/BPD ex never let me pick up s9 or do anything other than the court order says and she had minuplated that many times. She probably knows by now that I am taking her to trial and cancelled the settlement confrience. S9 is at day camp, 5 minutes from my work, she would never let me pick s9 up, today is my access day and access weekend but this is one of the block weekends she took on me as part of her vacation time. Her goal is always to cut back on my access, she will not let go of it. She is scrambling now bc we are going to trial. Trial swings a bigger punch than settlement confrience. Today I got the, for the first time ever, yes you can pick s9 up... .But, yes I got the but. She all of a sudden wants to cooperate but it's s9 who doesn't want me to pick him up. And than came the how hard access is in s9 and I'm driving s9 closer to her. My part in this, nc, no reaction, nothing. Last night, also an access night, s9 asked if I was picking him up after day camp today, I asked him why and he showed me a text from his mother saying see you after day camp, I said no, your mom is. S9 said ok. so in today's speech she said s9 didn't want me to pick him up he wanted her to. The lies and manuplation just don't stop. Only for the last 10 months, s9's access to me has been so controlled and limited by her. He is happy with every one but me, according to her. S9 was all good and dandy with me picking him up today but she had to put a I'm hurting our son for my own selfish needs twist on it. My journal is full of her doings since the new orde. There is no answering in a settlement confrience but trial, that's a horse of a totally different colour. Hence her changing gears to make her texts look like she's compromising, it's s9 who doesn't want the extra time.

My ex scrambled to make new stories up to bolster her case. I kept records of it all so it was very helpful for court. I spelled each thing out on a single page of paper with all the dates,etc. I backed it up with all the evidence. Usually, before stepping into court my attorney would talk to her attorney and things would get settled. I believe my attorney gave some of the evidence but not all in order to persuade ex's attorney to settle.
I started "winning" in court when I let my ex give me more and more and I said less and less.

Hi bus boy,

I'm sorry that you're going through this. As I was reading your post, it resembles a persistent pattern with my ex.


My ex will often triangulate and rescue the kids and cast me as the persecutor. It took awhile to see the pattern on a consistent basis and she always blames me but what helped me, it may help you, is that I quickly recognize the drama triangle. I stay out of the drama triangle by not choosing sides and remaining in the middle so that it stops the vicious cycle of blame.

Your ex says that you're hurting your son ( rescuing him ) and casting you as persecutor, BPD is a persecution complex and the person's circumstances are almost always caused externally by someone else which is not accurate because we're responsible for own actions / choices. Obviously sometimes some things are not in our control but it's not almost always caused by someone else.  I suggest to read up on our drama triangle article and you'll probably see a pattern with your ex, it should help with depersonalizing the behavior, and stop the vicious cycle of blame. I hope that helps.