BPDFamily.com

My BPD SO has been acting erratic and as a result I haven't been staying in my own home and instead have been staying with my mother. It's not a healthy dynamic here as she constantly berates me or makes me feel low for letting my SO back into my life or saying she knew this would happen.
He always seems better for a few days but then he stops attending outpatient possibly starts drinking ... Hasn't been working and the apt and all utilities are in my name. I'm not in a financial position to move anywhere as I have no funds and the stress of the last few months has led to my own mirror like BPD symptoms. I get angry and come to the apt to throw him out only to then feel deep regret and sadness and once he starts calling me crying promising to change i end up letting him come back. I can't go on like this bc I've completely eroded my own sense of worth and happiness in the process. I've lost interest in any activities and I don't socialize or see anyone besides my SO on good days when he's fully cognizant and likely trying to make up for whatever mess he's gotten into. I know that I need him to go but I have no support system whatsoever and he won't listen to reason. I've offered to buy him a flight back to his family... He hangs up on me and does not take me seriously due to the past.
I'm emotionally not fit enough to deal with the drama of having to call the police to remove him as it's embarrassing. I posted previously but I don't think I expressed just how hopeless I feel or why I feel so stuck.

I don't know what to say. It sounds like you are really on the edge and struggling. I'm so sorry. I know things can get to you and you just need to hold on.

Is it your home? You suggested that you could call the police to have him evicted. There is no shame in that. Do you want him out of your life?

Losing yourself is a big problem - and very common when having a BPD spouse. Where do you want the relationship to go?

It sounds like you have self-healing you need - but you need a good environment to be able to make that happen.

I've just read the history of all your posts. You've been under pressure for quite a while.

I think it's time to take care of YOU.

Tell me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't seem like you want a relationship with him anymore. The one you have is certainly not healthy for either of you. You are 30yrs old, and he is 46. You have ALL YOUR LIFE ahead of you still. Call the police, have him removed. If he breaks in to your apartment again, call the police back. Take out a restraining order if you need to.

And be strong! Go No Contact. Do not allow him to manipulate you. Give yourself a few months of space to decide what you need. After a few months - if you want to reach back out to him then that's OK. But for now you need to take care of yourself.

This is the 5th time he's been In rehab this year. Last time he was released at the beginning of July. While in rehab he's always the model patient and counselors are sure he will remain sober. At first he is active in his sobriety and attends outpatient consistently but then he alway relapses. He also expressed a desire in seeking therapy for his BPD which he's finally accepted. But now it's the middle of August and he's stopped attending outpatient. His moods are erratic. He doesn't have a job and calls me demanding I send him $ or order him take out. I haven't done that but it's like he becomes a completely different person.
I had my mom hire him to work around the house bc I thought it would help get him back on his feet but as soon as she handed him cash he disappears for days and stops answering the phone. He didn't contribute to any bills. When he was in rehab we sat down and discussed consequences if he didn't follow through w treatment or was abusing alcohol again.
Now I call him to say - hey your counselor said you didn't show up and you're getting kicked out of the outpatient program you have to leave and he starts raging and cursing at me and screaming. He takes no responsibility for his actions. So I do want him to leave. What I really wish is that he would acknowledge that he broke the agreement and followed through w getting care on his own but I don't see that happening.
He has no $, no friends to stay with and his family is on the other side of the country and are not really in a position to help. He's a high functioning BPD who has held professional jobs in the past but now I feel like he's not even trying. Meanwhile, I'm drowning.

I am sorry you are in this situation - I can see the drain it is taking on you.
 
It is not your fault. It sounds like you have done everything you can. You cannot "fix him". He needs to make that choice and it doesn't seem like he wants to. Giving him money and board is not helping him get better - it sounds like this just enables him to keep being disregulated.
 
You need to look after yourself.