BPDFamily.com

My boyfriend of over 3 years was diagnosed with Borderline Personality just over a month ago. I urged him to go to a free consultation at a nearby behavioral health clinic, he spoke to the admissions and they told me that he needed to be admitted to their inpatient program. He was extremely against the idea and I refused to sign him in against his will. After a few hours of talking while still at the clinic, he relented and signed himself in. He spent 4 days in their inpatient program and was given the diagnosis of BPD. To me, this diagnosis makes all the sense in the world and describes him perfectly based on everything I've read and researched.
Although this diagnosis is in some ways uplifting, because we know the battle we are fighting now, it's also really  hard. I feel like I'm doing and saying all of the wrong things, although I'm doing my best to help, I worry that I'm making things worse.
He fights with me constantly and every day is a battle to remind him that therapy is worth his time and efforts.

I'm really just looking for a group of people who can be empathetic to my situation. I have a few friends, not many, who I can talk to but I can't help but feel that they pity me. Obviously I don't need pity, I need support and understanding.

  CC22

welcome you have come to the right place.  Here you will find support and advice from people who are living through and with your situation.  If you care to share more please do.  I would also recommend that you take time to read the posts of others. 

Getting him into threapy is a tremendous first step.  You are to be commended for getting him the help he needs.

It could be that reminding him of this is reminding him that something is wrong with him, and it triggers him to fight.

People with BPD tend to feel tremendous inadequacy and a sense of not belonging, which is a function of shame. Usually shame is something members of the group do to others. With BPD, they often use shame on themselves, so anything we do to compound that is met defensively.

One thing, too, about friends that I learned. They want to be friends, not therapists. They don't often have the skills and will want to support you, not necessarily your BF. It can create conflicted feelings for you.

I had to learn that it is a very special group indeed who can support you in the skill development and understanding of BPD. A therapist is very important, too, especially one who is familiar with DBT. You can pick up some helpful skills that reflect what your BF might be learning, like distress tolerance and mindfulness, to model for him as a healthy way of dealing with intense emotions, versus fighting and whatever other unhealthy behaviors he has reached for  when dysregulated.

Hi - this is a good place to be for support and empathy.  All of us face similar situations and can relate in ways your other friends may not have the background to do.

And yes, like livednlearned says, BPD is about shame avoidance and avoiding feelings of inadequacy.  I find out more and more that H feels shame about that I never even knew.  Some days it IS a fight of sorts to keep him out of "the rabbit hole" where he falls when he can't cope or regulate himself.

It's great your BF is going to T - so many cannot get to that place where T is even considered.  One thing to remember is that those with BPD are not often reacting in a way that responds to logic, but they are reacting to their mixed up feelings.  Telling your BF logical reasons wht he needs to go to T is probably not that effective.  Maybe asking him, "does it make you feel any better to talk to the T?  do you think it helps you to have someone trained to help people to talk to?"  Things like that.

Anyway, welcome, I found a lot of help here and learned new ways to temper my own reactions and instincts to help stave off fights and to accept that this is part of H and we can work with it - it won't always be easy, but it can be done.  It's my "safe space" to come talk to people who I don't have to worry about spilling the beans about what I need to share to get things off my own chest.