BPDFamily.com

Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting => Topic started by: Rewards2 on September 06, 2016, 04:56:56 PM



Title: Not speaking to ex
Post by: Rewards2 on September 06, 2016, 04:56:56 PM
after the divorce I made a rule with myself not to have any contact with my ex.
it has not been easy, but since i made that rule the number of emails I have sent could be counted on one hand, and they were needed. (we do have six kids)
When she calls, I hang up.
I have basically no contact with her.
Now we are back in court. Because the kids don't like going to her and they are not following the schedule we agreed to in court and the ex is upset about it.
So today my lawyer suggested that I communicate with her more by email and that might help calm her down.
I am hesitant to open up the doors of communication.
because I know how it works. One think leads to another and another, etc.
But then again, to get out of court and not have to go back would be a blessing.
What do you think?


Title: Re: NOT SPEAKING TO EX
Post by: enlighten me on September 06, 2016, 05:12:46 PM
In the UK in cases like this the courts would rather you go through mediation.

I have just had a court case as my children do not want anything to do with their mum. I tried talking to her but she wouldnt listen to any advice given her. She tried to go down the mediation route but when I explained the situation to the mediator that it was the children and not me that needed to do mediation with their mother they said it wasnt viable.

My ex tried to use this against me in court but the weight of evidence of me trying to resolve matters went against her.

My only advice is to show willing to try to resolve it. It will go in your favour in court. Another thing is that interacting wiyh my ex helped me to further detatch. The court decided that the choldren have spoken with their feet and she is not to try and contact them directly.


Title: Re: Not speaking to ex
Post by: david on September 06, 2016, 08:32:46 PM
How old are the kids ?


Title: Re: Not speaking to ex
Post by: HopefulDad on September 08, 2016, 01:34:27 PM
I suggest opening the email line of communication.  From a legal standpoint, it may help show a judge that you are really trying to solve co-parenting problems together.  Gaining points with the judge is never a bad thing.  Plus, if she emails something nasty back, that's always a plus should a judge see it later 

But legal stuff aside, it's very impractical to go NC while trying to co-parent.  Try to set boundaries on the content (e.g. very business-like, kid-focused, no long JADE emails on any decisions).  It will take some trial and error, but suspect you'll both find your groove.  I think my ex and I have a pretty functional co-parenting communication method through texts and emails.  Didn't happen overnight.



Title: Re: Not speaking to ex
Post by: bus boy on September 08, 2016, 02:15:23 PM
I don't speak to my xw. She is to toxic, she's nice if she's looking to manuplate access time out of me, other than that she's she's a horrable person to deal with. Her texts and emails are demoralizing as well. I am going to ask the court to appoint a third party. Not having any contact with my xw is for my own self care. Every time a text comes in from her my heart jumps and I feel my anxiety go up bc it's always something ignorant. It seems to be on a 2 week cycle. I hear nothing and than I get her venom. In my situation no contact even though we have a child works very good for me.


Title: Re: Not speaking to ex
Post by: david on September 08, 2016, 05:19:20 PM
I only communicate through email too. That has been since 2007. I am really good at it now. Ex still rages occasionally. I have thousands of emails of her accusing me, being nasty, outright making things up. I only reply if it has something about our boys and I only reply to that. I keep it short and simple.