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Today marks exactly 1 month NC. I'm inclined to say 1.5 months actually, because the small interaction we had a month ago was so incredibly brief. This is huge for me... .

But here I am obsessing over her again, wondering why she hasn't tried to get in touch with me. It's beyond difficult for me, and the main reason I'm not doing it to be honest is because it was per her request. I'm trying to show respect, and at the same time I realize that contacting someone who does not necessarily want to be contacted will most likely not be met with a welcoming response.

I'm pretty busy lately, but even so, I think about her a ridiculous amount throughout the day. It seems to be getting worse the more time passes. And I know I shouldn't, but I do check her Facebook too.

If I'm being honest, I want her back. I'm not posting this on the saving board because she doesn't want the same. I just miss her so much and feel like I made a huge mistake in letting her go.

Hoping someone here can talk some sense into me.

JJacks0 - I understand completely.  My recommendation is to do whatever is necessary to avoid breaking NC.  I have been LC (short emails only) since I have to deal with divorce proceedings and the property division, etc., that comes with it but I can say - without a doubt - that NC/LC has been an incredibly useful thing for me to continue to move away from the r/s and see her for who she really is.  We're talking 25 years together... .so I still have a lot of ground to cover to heal... .and I'm just as susceptible to feeling down and idealizing her good qualities as any of us, but I feel strong right now in my convictions and am sending good vibes your way... .

Something I did last week was to create a list of all the things that she's done and said that are completely unacceptable for a r/s with me.  I was amazed at how long it is and I've even thought of other things I could have added after the fact.  Good luck and keep going!  We are all here for each other.

Hi JJacks0,

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, had a sharp stab of "why doesn't she contact me" driving home today myself.

I think the best thing you can do is to stop checking her facebook, you're not really doing 'no contact' until you stop seeing her or being reminded of her, it'll be impossible to not obsess over her if you see her every day. Unfriend/unfollow mutual friends/block/delete your account for a month, whatever it takes to not see her? Same goes for all other possible social avenues.

My first month out I tried to snoop on fb often, saw a youtube video that made it clear that no contact meant a complete and utter black out of anything that had a connection to my ex. Photos/notes/gifts, if not thrown away, packed somewhere far away. Once my first month of clean NC went by I started to notice that she wasn't as frequently in my thoughts. Also gave me a small sense of accomplishment.

Go completely NC from now on and you'll be begin to see the benefit of it. I think its the only way to go unfortunately. We have to move on without them  

I agree with everything lostnlonelydee said and I find it as one of the hardest things to do (NC) In my mind she tried to contact me but since I blocked everything she can't, that's what I'm saying to myself anyway.

texting/seeing/kissing it's a slippery slope that will end with another unbearable breakup that will leave you hopeless with more questions then answers.

Think about it this way: You fell deeply in love with a Siren, she touched your finest soul strings. you keep hearing her singing to you every day since she was gone, it's the most tempting thing to do, to try and swim to her again but you just can't, you have to remember the last time you tried it out and almost died trying.

Stay strong

 

I feel your pain.  I had a similar experience and during my last time breaking NC my exgfwBPD responded saying that she didn't want me to try and communicate with her anymore.  When I asked why she told me she didn't have to explain and if I contacted her again she would block me.  So I blocked her to keep myself from reaching out, threw away her phone #.  I miss her like crazy and I know I love her.  The sad thing is she doesn't feel the same and I would only serve her desire to paint me as an obsessive psycho if I reached out to her.  The person causing you so much pain cannot comfort you and heal your wounds, don't forget that.  Instead focus on why you need her approval and acceptance, better understand your own feelings to overcome this.

Thanks everyone.

It's so hard, and I really want to still, but last night I think I got confirmation that it's not time to. I saw that she updated her profile picture on Facebook to a picture of her and the girl who is definitely my replacement. It's non-romantic (I assume)... but nevertheless she seems to be idealizing her.

This replacement is a terrible influence in my opinion.

- This is the girl who's in the middle of a divorce - they're probably bonding over their new single life.
- This is also the girl that instigated my ex abandoning me downtown (after inviting me out) in June.
- This is also the girl that my ex took to the concert that I bought her tickets for in July.
- This is also the girl who has my ex thinking that she needs to buy weed from her and has to smoke before each meal
- This is also the girl that my ex has known from work for years, but who I met maybe 6 times in our 7-year r/s. This girl was NOWHERE to be found while my ex was in and out of hospitals, spiraling downward. Now this girl is conveniently available when it's good for her.

And now my ex makes her picture a photo of her and this girl at the concert... .that I gave her tickets to... .on a date that I took her on in May. I think that goes to show that she'd have to run any interaction with me by her new bff before talking to me anyways. At this point it probably wouldn't go well. I don't think I'll be looking good to her again until this girl starts dating someone or she realizes that I was the only one who was there for her all along.