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She dropped our son off at day care last Thursday.

I had my son Thursday and she was supposed to pick him up on Friday and have him all weekend.

I received a call from son's day care at 5:15, they wanted to know why I hadn't picked him up yet.
 
They cannot call his mother because she has no phone and she cannot afford insurance on her car so she won't drive. She has been ok with driving but not now.

The last time I received any communication from her was about 2 weeks ago?

I still have my son since Thursday and not sure what to do or expect from his mother.

Hello,

How's the custody arrangement ?  Dose she have your son most or you?

She's primary  custody, I have parent wright's assigned through the court

Do you plan to change that? If so you can use that agents her

Thank Dontknow88

I'm sure going to give it my best to get full custody

No problem, she has a responsibility and not living up to it legally.

if you look deeper into this  she's sabotaging her legal rights as the primary parent.

Do you still have your son now? if you want to try to get full custody he depending on where you live there is something you can do now

Yes I still have my son, I'm at work and he's in day care. I will pick him up today.

Still no contact from his mother, no one has heard from her for quite a while.

I am not sure if it's the same where you are but where I live and we should like that happens I can apply for emergency custody that's almost always granted. God for bid it not anything can happen and both parents areI needed. now that you cannot get in touch with her and had him for longer than you should you are a great candidate to seek emergency custody. I am not a lawyer just had experience. please research if you have emergency custody where you live



Where I live it's always granted with good reasoning and usually stays that way during the custody battle

Thank you Dontknow88

I left a message with my lawyer, waiting to hear back from him. Son is with me and ready for a nap.

Keep us updated, hug little man! I hope all works out for you!

Thanks Dontknow88

I just cannot understand how a mother can walk away from their child. What is she thinking? Sabotaging her life again?  Not being able to control me so she gives up our son?

I don't get it.

No problem.
The way they think is very childlike, they will act and not think about the consequences, when the consequences arise it's " never their fault". honestly if she doesn't get help it's better for you to have your son. he will think the way she acts is normal and then he will start to pick up traits or don't grow out of the childish state.

as you know the way the thing is totally different from the way non-BPD think. I got a book online from the used bookstore for $5! It's called "stop walking in eggslelks" I strongly recommend this book. before this book I was completely confused and the lessons I got from it helped me out a lot.  I have learned that I cannot take the actions personally but if a child is involved  there is a huge risk that they can  affect the child negatively if they do not get help . Please get this book it will change the way you react to her, avoid pointless drama.

On the book I've been reading the whole self sabotaging thing is a cry for help. Sure she will "hate" you and probably will never admit she needs help or the actions you took for you son is for the best.


And don't forget the black-and-white thinking all good or all bad. The reasons for leaving a child could be  for minimal reasons(in her eyes) eg (can't handle him anymore) or something bigger (found someone new and wants free time) whatever the reason is she handle it incorrectly. and when you find out the reason please don't just take care of yourself and do what you need to do for your son.

That is a long time. I believe the courts view that as abandonment. I think you have a very good chance of getting primary custody.
She may realize she is unable to take care of your son but she is unable to say it. By doing what she did she is allowing you to go to court and take the child away from her. She now has the court and you to blame. Twisted thinking.

David has a good point.  Ask your lawyer about filing an emergency order to get full custody.

He/she might advise that you inform your local police that the mother has left the child with you for X days, has no means of communication by which you can reach her, and has not attempted to communicate with you.  In addition, that you hesitate to contact her in person due to past accusations of rape and abuse.  The police may do a wellness check to make sure she is, indeed, in her house.  At that point, all documentation by the police would be in your favor.

Thanks everyone

Son's mother pulled him out of daycare at 10am and intended to take him back at noon. Grandmother said she did this to get her phone back from son's diaper bag.

I went to visit her pastor, she drove up and talked to me, I should have drove away but I didn't. Asked her why she didn't pick our son up last week, she said she didn't have a car, I asked why she couldn't get a ride, she had no phone.

I told her she's totally insane and drove away.

Blah blah blah she's nuts!

Jerry,

I know you're going through a health crisis,  and the emotional struggles dealing with your son's mother are a whole other issue.  She's done this before,  and she'll likely do it again.  You've said that you do great as a father (a single parent) when you have your son multiple days,  many times now.  What makes you hesitate from filing a temp order when she abandons your son?  If you've been documenting all of this,  you certainly have a good history of her low functioning behaviors. I never went to court,  so take this as you will,  but if it comes time that you are forced into court,  as a judge,  I might think,  "why didn't you take action sooner?"

If there is a fear here,  can you talk about it to get feedback and support from us?  

Thanks Turkish

I called the lawyer who's helping me last Friday and left a message and again Monday and today. He's very busy and I have an appointment with him next Monday. Taking way too long in my opinion.

My sponsor told me today he knows my lawyer and he is a very busy man, sponsor suggested finding someone else and maybe I will have to start looking.

Son's mother said she's cured, healed, she doesn't need any help. I so wish that were true.

I'm very tired and I'm not losing hope, my son cried in her back seat while we talked, she got upset with me and decided to just keep him from me today. She is not thinking about what's best for him.

I kinda see through her crazy mind but I get so angry around her I lose focus and end up just leaving.

She's not.  You know that. Read the articles at the top of the Coping and Healing board about the risk a BPD parent poses to their child.  You can counteract that by getting support here and the lessons on this board.  

One would hope for a miracle.  Part of me wishes this were so,  for my situation as well. However,  as fathers and as men,  (and parents in general for mothers reading), it's up to us to step up. And it's hard,  though necessary for the sake of our children,  who can't defend themselves.  

As kind of a p.s., I encourage you to post on Coping and Healing as well,  since you've mentioned your FOO on the Detaching Board.  It would help to explore this by reaching into the past to understand the present. It helped me.  

Thank you very much Turkish

I agree and I will keep pushing to get my son into my custody and safety. Yes I have FOO issues and I want to get better and move past them.

I hope to see you on C&H. It's a good group