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My ex BPD bf broke up with me a month ago and kicked me out of the house we shared for almost 4 years. Things got a lot better, especially after counseling and medication. I've really started to mourn the relationship now, along with my old life. I keep finding myself feeling shocked that it is over and it gives me a panicked, smothery feeling.

Now that I'm to the deep mourning stage how do I best deal with it? Just been so depressed and having a hard time enjoying things like I used to.

Honestly, I think you're demonstrating extraordinary progress.  You learned he's broken up with the new woman and haven't been indulging in plans or fantasties about going back; you've pursued treatment; you're able to articulate your pain and grief; you're realistic about what will drag you down about your current situation with your mom if you don't make changes.  This is all best case scenario stuff :/

I don't think anyone, at one month out, is doing any better.  The panicky smothery feeling ... .that's how our bodies register having suffered a sudden and inexplicable loss.  I think continuing your current practices, especially allowing your feelings to surface and be recognized for what they are, and accepting your feelings as justified and inevitable, will stand you in good stead.

I'm sorry it's so very hard.

Thank you patient and clear. It's good to know that my emotions are normal. I have to just try to keep my mind on other things and then I do better. It's when I get quiet and start to think of my old life that it is hard. I'm very thankful for this site. Life would be so much harder without it

Hi tammym,

I'd like to echo  C<||| patientandclear's sentiments and say that I think you are doing really well for someone only 1 month out of the relationship. Your feelings are very normal, and the depression could last awhile. Everyone is unique and will grieve in their own way, although there are common symptoms and stages.

From my experience, the depression WILL pass and you will be able to feel more hope and joy, and look forward to the next chapter of your life. No one can say how long it will be, but we are with you every step of the way. Feeling your feelings, being compassionate with yourself, and allowing yourself the space and time to grieve—everything that you are doing—will get you through this to thriving again. 

Stay strong and keep us posted. 

heartandwhole

I am sorry this is happening to you, Tammy!  I have been out since April and still get the panicked feeling, but much less often.  I am down to several times a week instead of several times a day.  It helps me to stay really busy.  I do volunteer work, work as many hours as I can, and have a large family to take care of.  Time will help too.  Stay strong and know we are all here to hold you up! 

And just add me to the list to say, it sounds like you're handling this just fine. I went back and forth in the stages, denial, grief, anger, and it took awhile for acceptance to hit and stick. I did a few things which made it easier for me. Workouts, nothing like feeling better physically to feel better mentally. Love yourself, give yourself those little rewards, and maybe some big ones, like travel, to get you motivated to get back out there. Add social hobbies, for me it was kickball and a weekly art class (with wine), the social settings helped tremendously, and people in both groups were really cheery and supportive. Mental activities, for me it was reading. At first, I read voraciously on BPD, and it was very helpful to understand what had happened, both to me and my ex, who was no contact so I could get no closure from her. In time, I understood enough to get moving forward mentally. I hope these ideas work for you as well, or you find others which do. Best of luck!