BPDFamily.com

I am borderline - Betsy Usher, PsyD


Date: May-2016(https://bpdfamily.com/book-covers/spacer.gif)Minutes: 4:36
I AM BORDERLINE | Betsy Usher, PsyD

About the author
Usher has her doctorate in clinical psychology (PsyD). She studied Borderline Personality Disorder at California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant University. She also attended California State University, Northridge and CSPP/Alliant International University at Alliant University.

It seems realistic

... .but it makes me struggle. It makes me feel like I still can't leave her because ultimately she doesn't want me to leave even tho she's pushing me away.  

I know she's silently screaming that she wants me to stay.  

And it tears me apart because I can't do anything.

... and she doesn't want me to. 

It was okay I guess.  Not sure I understood the point of the dancing girl that seemed to be the main visual focus.  Also, the dramatic piano music came across to me as somewhat over-dramatic, and the "sizzly" voice narration grated on my ears a bit. 

I suppose it works as the story of one person's perspective struggling with the disorder.  Not sure it works as an educational piece intended to educate the public about all the various aspects of the disorder.  My main criticism of the content is that it's just not a complete representation of the disorder, and it may imply that it only afflicts young people.

how about a grown woman yelling, berating, belittling, slapping, kicking, spitting on, and cursing at a man that sits there with his head down and his hands folded on his lap

and it should be a 2 hour video

It is not realistic.  Sounds like a bad day had by soneone feeling sorry for themselves.  Where is the chaos, cops and hospitalizations in front of the kids, financial ruin and divorce.  The utubers are more realistic.

This a sweet and sad video. Heartbreaking. But it implies that pwBPD have self-awareness. Maybe the ones portrayed here do. If they were capable of that much honesty, maybe that's what they would say. But don't.

Mine lives in denial - he may know he is in pain, but he's not vulnerable like these people are. He mostly blames others for it.

Also implies that they want us to save them. Maybe that part is true. But we can't. The video is depicted as - if we cared, we would, and we should - and toss out all our boundaries because they are suffering (the man running back in to rescue her from self-harming). The message is one of compassion but misses our need for self-preservation, and their need to learn to self-soothe in healthier ways. The man probably left in the first place because she was saying crazy, mean, hateful things. The fallacy is that if we show we care, the abuse will stop (the girl at the end falling gently into his arms as he takes the knife from her hand). Doesn't work this way. In a heightened emotional state, that girl would've slashed his throat! Good insight into their minds, their true thoughts, when they're calm, hurting, and being completely honest with themselves, but that doesn't quite match up with our realities.

Not being someone with borderline its hard to comment.  As a person who has been involved with a borderline videos such as these are helpful but can get me locked more in a FOG as I am emphatic to the intense pain this disorder seems to inflict on those that suffer with it.

What I do find missing in these videos coming from a borderline's experience is about the behaviors that many of us Non's are subjected to... .

Such as lying, cheating, triangulation, manipulation, verbal, devaluation and sometimes physical abuse. 

We all struggle with the affects of these behaviors and it would be very helpful to have a clear understanding of what the borderline feels/thinks at those times.

Although the message is clear to me, the voice is not inspiring, tending to a sad victim, which is strengthened by the piano play that adds the illusion of sadness. Sadness and pain as in the Song of Natalie Merchant, ‘my skin’.

Once I found this one, not a  ‘sappy dark "suidical theme" video’  
It’s from a young man diagnosed with BPD. His video ‘the 5 faces of BPD’ shows a 746.000 hits, a video in which he switch places in a dialogue with himself.  
Although it is not telling how pwBPD feels inside, it gives a view of how pwBPD can react on in a for us innocent and non confrontational dialogue.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do6owMR1hSY (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128784)

https://www.youtube.com/user/MeAndMyBlackTable/about

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Separate thread on this video: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128784

I gave up after about two minutes. The music and visuals are distracting, and there seems to be no narrative arc or structure ... .it just sort of rambles on, making essentially the same point (my life is chaos, I can't control it, I'm hurting) over and over.

My wife's inner life may be more like, "everything is perfect, just like everyone else, just perfect, my husband is a genius and so respectable, the ungrateful POS, he makes my life unbearable, our relationship is great, we will always be together, I am going to leave and steal our son even though I do not want to take care of him but I what to hurt my ingrate husband, everything is perfect. I feel fine." The only unspoken thought here, just below consciousness I believe, is "Hurting people makes me feel better."
Maybe the good doctor has studied BPD and know better, or maybe the doctor has never lived with a person with BPD, or maybe my understanding is just way off.

It was okay as a potential snapshot of what ONE person with BPD may feel at times.  But I have to agree that it relies a lot on the pwBPD being more self-aware than a pwBPD seems able to be.  That's such a big part of the disorder - not realizing they are way off in the magnitude of their responses to stimuli. 

I think a helpful video might be to illustrate as best as possible, how interactions can be perceived in such different lights by pwBPD and those trying to care for them.  Like how a simple observation by one person can lead to a surprise rage from the other, and how both saw their side of the same interaction.  Like I'm making broccoli, and think it's fine to make a whole bag to have some tonight, some for lunch.  And then I have H walk in, rage out at me for making too much, and then literally throwing the bag at a bewildered, frightened me... .then cut to show all the same events and try to show to how he may have perceived the whole thing from his side, and how to him throwing hot food at me was a reasonable response.  THAT is what I need.  I try to extrapolate past the ugly reactions, comments and accusations, but this all comes from my head, from my observations, and it's hard to get actual thoughts out of him about it. 

I don't want a "I know I'm out of control, feel sorry for me" feeling from the video.  I already do.  BPD must be horrible to have in your own head - it certainly is horrible to have coming out of someone else's mouth AT you.  I need to hear possible thought processes, illustrating how different it is to see a situation I feel is fine and H feels is insurmountably invalidating. 

The visuals are over dramatised.

The narrator's use of the third person distanced me from the voiceover content - first person would be more immediate.

The music track is schmaltzy and the voice of the actress is too professional.

The message was not delivered for me.

Still too much "poor me", another hallmark of the "victimized" borderline. And a tactic to garner sympathy from the open hearted until... WHAM! You're the real victim and they are the abusers while they still maintain the narrative that its actually vice versa.

I sympathized at first but better stick to just facts otherwise we the vulnerable get sucked back into the black hole.

This video doesn't show how much a partner of a borderline suffers. A relationship with a BPD can actually kill you.

Islilme - I remember that broccoli incident. Good example. I would LOVE to see more insight into the MIND, the thought processes, of a pwBPD during a dysregulation, a perceived threat or invalidation. Because it's the thoughts that come first, which lead to their feelings, which lead to their behaviors. Maybe if we understood their thinking better, we could become better at validating their feelings that come as a result of those thoughts. 

Hmm I want to try to be fair but like others have said I don't think this is realistic at all. I don't think it properly shows what it is like for the partner or the borderline. The dancing girl isn't necessary. I think it would be better if the man tried to kiss the woman on the forehead in bed and she turned away. Also it would have been more accurate if she got angry and started violently swinging at him when he tried to help her off the ground. Showing him leaving the house shows him easily giving up. Maybe if she ran into the bathroom and locked herself in and was crying on the floor and found some razor blades in the cupboard.

I'm not trying to be funny but I think the next thing could show their deep fear of abandonment. Maybe show a girl smiling then texting someone "I love you" then watching her phone as 1 minute passes, then 2, then 3 and then show her panicking and throwing her phone and breaking down crying. Then maybe cut back to the phone on the floor showing her guy texted her "I love you so much" then cut back to her cutting herself.

Kill you how Zeus? Just curious what you mean?

Not all self injure via cutting
Seems more like a "stereotypical" statement/expression that represents all forms of self injury.
Would be more accurate if they gave examples of other means for self injury as there are tons... .Not eating, drinking, compulsive shopping, etc.  So would be more relatable if the cutting was symbolic of all self injury and the other self injury methods were listed to make such a connection, or flashed fast as options of the self injury category.   (There are so many pwBPD who do not cut, or ceased it and many persons deny their Dx based on this, as do their SO. Well. She doesn't self injure... .  That would be an unfortunate misunderstanding to not clarify.)

I liked the dancer, expressing the words.
The contrast to the dancer tho was the female in bed, more depressed than real life anger being demonstrated.  I rather the other gals acting match the words more too, not just be dormant, passive, when describing tornado stuff.  She did not appear to rage or such during that.  Would be more relatable if there was a minor rage.

The title: I am borderline
I both love and hate this.  
Reason: as a medical professional I was taught to never call someone their diagnosis. Never: that polio man.  Always: that man with polio.
Yet, I love the idea of BPD being personified.  Wish though the connection of that was made more clear.  Maybe introduce the dancer very clearly, enlarge her as stating I am borderline, make her twirl the words away, idk... .something... .then back view up so she can dance at the size needed.  Then connect her more clearly to the other actress by adding a fade in/out or overlap views or such to connect that is what the girl is experiencing.

That way, "borderline" is clearly the dancer, not the person the dancer is expressing the inner world of.

Lastly, I feel Jessica84 makes a decent point about the lack of self awareness that is a hallmark of the disorder, certainly seems worthy and necessary to express this aspect in order to be relatable.  Having part of the script read, "and I have all these feelings and they confuse me, disorient me, I loose my footing, I try to do xyz to regain my balance, and I feel I am failing.  I don't even know where they(feelings)came from or where to put them" or something that conveys the confusion they experience about what is happening during this tornado of emotion.  

Oh, I do appreciate the balanced way that the writer did not villanize and such, but to not show a rage depicted, is a bit too "kid glove" imo for relatives to believe that this is about their relative who does rage, is not mostly in bed depressed, and doesn't cut.  Not that most with BPD are not in bed or are, just that a family member seeking help via video is likely motivated more by the rage, shopping sprees, etc, than the passive symptoms... .so the quite time their partner is sleeping off shame is not so on the radar maybe... . So thinking the rage and more self injury options should not be avoided, but included.

Jrharvey C<|||

Lol!
That is it! :light:
Just read your comment after sending.

It is missing a key BPD Element... .

 :check: The DRAMA!

The dramatization was too toned down to the point it appeared like it was depicting major depression, not BPD!

I love the idea of the phone texting!  It demos so much... .Sabotaging, impulse control, misunderstanding social intentions due to emotional state... .Very good! |iiii

Oscillating moods were not really depicted in dancer, actress, nor the words... .  Tornado kinda was all I heard for that... .  Idk... .Maybe it did, but was pretty toned down that it was not remarkable enough that I recall it.

Thanks. We wanted to get staff and member feedback for the producer.


(https://bpdfamily.com/audio/award.png)
Date: Jul-2016(https://bpdfamily.com/book-covers/spacer.gif)Minutes: 1:18
Betsy Usher Acceptance Speech

Moderators Review:

Betsy, we want to congratulate you on your award and for such a professionally done video. The cinematography, your self composed music score, and your narration are very stylish.

The concept of flipping between real life scenes and the dancer, which we took to represent the internal swirl of emotions of a person with BPD, was very creative. Narrating the story from the second person perspective was good as it allowed you to be an informed observer of what was happening with the protagonist in the video and not limited to what she might be thinking or feeling in the moment.

You state up front that this is an effort to improve the public image and reduce the stigma often attributed to BPD and BPD traits or tendencies. We fully support that.

While we can see how people who self-identify with BPD would find this film to be motivating, the film did not fully resonate with family members and relationship partners. We suspect this is because the film portrays BPD in the Abandoned/Abused Child schema mode.  What is missing is the Angry/Impulsive Child mode and the Punitive Parent mode and, most importantly, the point that our loved one is often "hopping" from one to another of the five vastly different schema "lily-pads". This is BPD. Its a narrative that we believe can be told compassionately.

Failing to develop and connect the interrelationship of "all sides of the box" forces viewers to chose the one side they think is the real "BPD".  Is it the difficult persona they have dealt with in real life (Angry/Impulsive Child mode and the Punitive Parent) or the wounded self-aware person in the video short?

Hope this feedback will be helpful for your next project. This was a very impressive film.