BPDFamily.com

Hi,

My ex-girlfriend was recently diagnosed with BPD. I still love her very much, even though she has a new partner.

Does anyone have any advice for how I can openly and honestly communicate with her that won't have her running for the hills? Ideally I'd like to be able to tell her how I feel but I recognise that may not be the right thing to do.

I've been reading about BPD a lot and am going through therapy myself so I recognise the value of my own self-care.

Hi Arlington, I am sorry you are going through this.

How long ago was the break up?

I honestly think that the right thing to do is to respect that she is with a new partner and not get inbetween them.

The quote that goes 'If you love someone, set them free' comes to mind.  I am sure you would want her to do the same for you if you happened to be in her situation.

If you are truly compelled to tell her how you feel, I would keep it to something brief such as 'I want you to know that I care about you a lot. I still cherish the happy memories we shared. We are no longer together but I still wish you happiness. All the best. Arlington.' But that is just an example. I do not think there is anyway you can predict her reaction on how you wish to express your love for her. You will have to be brave no matter how she accepts your feelings.

Keeping reading about BPD. Learning about BPD is very useful to better understand your ex as well as your part in your relationship with her. Recognising the value of self-care is so important. Keep up the good work, stay strong and keep  posting

I agree with Curiously1.

If you are compelled to let her know that you still care about her, you'll need to be prepared for her reaction.

In the meantime, as you said, self-care is important. One of the byproducts is that it makes the non more attractive. Sometimes the pwBPD will see this and come back on their own. Other times, once strong enough to handle the response no matter what it may be.

So, what are you doing to take care of yourself?

Apologies. I wasn't clear. I wouldn't try to interfere with their relationship at all. In fact I recommended him a book for loved ones of those with BPD.

It was more about how to handle talking with her if they break up and in the meantime.

So you are no longer speaking with her unless they break up?
Is your plan to profess your love for her if they break up? is that what you mean? or how to handle yourself when you see her around?
I suppose preparing yourself mentally beforehand on what you would like to say can help with lessening your nerves.
What couldn't you handle if you spoke to her?
I'd still encourage you to be brave, be yourself and accept how she feels.

Trying to be "helpful" is another form of interfering.

Besides, why would you want to be supportive of the new relationship?