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After all these years I am still a fool for trying to get reasonable dialogue with Xw about s10. The new order came down and it is f###ed up. We have no family court judge on our district so the dig up a dinosaur to do my family court hearing, it's a confusing order, first of all Xw got a copy before I did, text me to trick me into agreeing to a change, I said let's be more clear and she got her face in a knot refused any more reasonable compramise. She agreed the order will confuse s10, refuses any change, refused any of my suggestions and than drops it back in my lap that s10 is confused. I tried all yesterday evening to come to a reasonable agreement. She has one thing and will not budge and that one thing will result in me loosing access time. She had no empathy she could care less how s10 is confused, Xw knows I am empathic and Is relying on my empathy to make the changes that will result in a good loss of access for me. She makes her unreasonable demands will not move at all, drops her crazy demands on me and blames me for s10 being confused about the new access arrangement. I told Xw we can stop the confusion, I am not looking for extra time just an equal exchange of time, than she comes back with an old in her mind issue that is clearly no issue but she is making it an issue, it's been clearly resolved that the access Is not effecting s10's school but she dredged that up again. I'm full of unhealthy anger today, it's affecting me and my work.

So sorry, man. I know how you feel. After mediation, I went back to work and felt like a knot of raw nerves. It is so stressful just trying to be equitable and reason with that brain wiring for pwBPD. Anything you can do for yourself tonight to unload some stress?

I did a lot of venting to my T today and s10 is with me tonight, part of the new access, split weekends, I do not agree with it but s10 seems good with it. Maybe it won't be as bad as I thought.

Enjoy your time with him! That's the best gift to you both.

Thank you. I should be greatful bc there was a time I had little to no access, only what Xw controlled.

Remember he is only 10 so many things will be confusing. Also, that as he gets older you may need to get the order changed for him.
 It sounds like ex will not change so you will need the courts. My ex is the same way. I am very strict in following the court order and ex has learned that I will not budge. However, our order allows us to change anything we want to. It takes an email exchange with both parties agreeing. Once a change is agreed to it can only be changed by another email exchange with both parties agreeing. This has helped a lot.
The majority of our order was written by me. I write things down when I have an issue and try to find a solid solution that protects both parents rights. Courts like that. Whenever she takes me to court I have solutions and have my proposals added. Eventually ex figured out she was not "winning" and stopped taking me to court. Now, she just threatens me with court through an email. She doesn't follow through anymore.

The new order does allow for changes, but we both have to agree. That could be a problem bc Xw never agrees unless it is to her advantage. I had to stick to the old order bc she was trying to get me to cut back on access. My Wednesday overnight and Sunday overnight on access weekend was taken away and replaced with a split weekend. I wanted to keep the Wednesday and Sunday overnight the way it was and do away with the split weekend. She wouldn't budge. She said it was affecting s10's school but report cards and teachers say different but Xw is never wrong will never consed bc that will mean being wrong. Even in court my L walked all over Xw about s10's report card and Xw hung on to her ideas and lies for dear life.

Looking at this as a marathon and not a sprint. Also, I only communicate through email for documentation purposes.
If ex wants a day that is my day I usually agree provided I have a make up day. I pick the make up day in my email.
Perhaps, if she wants a change,  ask for the make up day to be on the Wednesday or Sunday. If it happens enough you have an established pattern.
I have found that compromise is not possible with my ex so I try to think several steps ahead for things I believe are important and keep them in mind whenever I communicate with ex. This way I can guide the conversation. I also put subtle ideas in my emails so it eventually becomes her idea. It doesn't always work but it has worked enough.