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I need to ask what Hypervigilance is because I read that it is not good. I would like to know if this is Hypervigilance : Last November, I triggered an emotional storm with my high functioning uBPD, I did or said something that triggered his fear of abandonment. Things became haywire, he was clingy, then frantic, then he painted me black for something I am not very sure why. I detached for a whole month, let his black emotions die down.

Anyway, last holidays, we reconciled, and as a classic pwBPD would have it, as if nothing happened and he painted me white all over again. He has this all or nothing intense emotions, and now I am afraid that I might trigger him back again to painting me black. I am very careful in what I say or do, such that our rs has lost its spontaneity. Is walking on eggshells considered as Hypervigilance? What is it exactly?

I feel constrained, almost fearful that anytime he might turn what I do or what I say against me and the negative cycle will begin again. like before.  So I detach but it is not healthy. I'm pretty confused. Thanks for your replies.

That's exactly it. Hypervigilance is an inability to relax around your pwBPD. You constantly are looking for signs that he is about to be triggered, and even trying to prevent those triggers. You watch your words/behavior to make sure you never upset them. Walking on egg shells is the perfect term. You tip toe around, hoping that you don't do anything to make the egg shells crack.

This type of behavior is almost like a mild for of PTSD. It can cause depression, anxiety, and other forms of neurotic behavior in you. It also can lead to extreme co-dependent fixing type behavior and control issues.

Is hypervigilance also what BPD people do when looking for threats of abandonment or rejection? My uBPDh is always scanning the environment for threats. Is there a man my wife is talking to or about in a positive way? Is there a tone of insubordination in my child's voice? Is my wife dressed in a way that makes me notice an attractive part of her body when she's leaving the house? It's like he's always on alert for that kind of thing. 

Yeah, I would classify it as that. My uBPDh does the same. He is constantly looking for signs of rejection from me. He studies my tone of voice, the way I'm dressed, etc. Danger when in public. It's as if he is expecting bad to happen to him so he looks for it to be prepared.

For my H I'm pretty sure it's because he never knew when or why he would be hit when he was a child so he constantly had to be aware of his surroundings, of his dad's mood, etc.

Thanks for your replies, much appreciated. Like mentioned, I was painted white last holidays, we were so happy... .And now it seems I am painted black again.
Now I know No amount of hyper vigilance on my part or carefully walking around eggshells can prevent a pwBPD assume a black episode or emotional dysfunction as it is called.  At first glance, I didn't know what I did to trigger him. But on hindsight, my "carefulness" or detachment may have been perceived as abandonment again... .No matter what I do, he gets triggered. If we are close and loving, he pushes out of fear of engulfment. When I detach, he sees it as abandonment ... .The classic double bind, it is like this over and over again... .Never a normal moment. And to think he is a very high functioning uBPD, if only his work associates and followers knew. It is sad, this life with a pwBPD. Where do we who relate with them go from here? Sigh... .