BPDFamily.com

Hi there

i want to say thank you to everybody on this forum. Your stories and sometimes even laughter have helped keep me here, connected to such experience and opportunities for me to keep on learning and practising.

I'm discovering that my new skills are enabling me to help me in all sorts of ways.

My sister (BPD¿) had a very bad fall on Boxing Day. Visit to A&E and visit by GP confirmed an incredibly painful slipped disc in her neck. She went to bed, unable to cope with the pain convinced herself she could no longer walk. She's been like a beach whale, demanding meds and got over medicated and she spiralled downwards to a very bad place. She's spent her days sobbing, not eating and medicating. She's criticised her husband, played her two daughters up against each other, including me. Other family members started to interfere, not understanding the situation, convinced that there's something physically and more serious wrong as she hasn't been able to mobilise. A complete mess.

I spoke with my elder niece, who agreed with me, that my sister needs to just get on with it and start doing what the doctor has told her. Keep moving. My niece said "well, it's got to be done in a nice way for her to do it".

My sister text me and asked me to visit as she wasn't able to cope any longer. So I did the long journey Friday morning. I can do without this drama as I've got my own stuff going on. I've felt very angry and frustrated at her behaviour but never gave a possible BPD reason for it.

So, my visit gave her the incentive to clean herself up. No wash or teeth brushed for two weeks and she must have reeked. I arrived to discover her upstairs just finishing a bath (as if by magic, her legs actually Worked). Can you hear my sarcasm.

I got to giving her some TLC. Put a duvet as a mattress topper on the uncomfortable bed settee in her library (yep, she's rich and spoilt too). She fell into a comfy and clean bed. I'd aired the room a lit smelly candles creating her a lovely environment. I gave her lovely little nibbles to eat throughout the day and made her steak for tea. I got the tens machine to work and she liked it. We chatted and laughed. All good, except she's still convinced she can't walk unaided.

I decided I had to deal with the outer family members who were totally over reacting, constantly messaging voicing there concerns and putting the fear of God in her. They'd diagnosed her and knew for a fact she needed surgery, all from 6000 miles away. Sarcasm strikes again.

I drafted up a very long message from me to all of them. I read it out to my sister as I wanted her to know what I was saying to them all. It was long and gave a fair and accurate reflection of the current situation. She was in a lot of pain, the steps the doctors would take when she was mobile, what great support she was getting, how lucky she was to have her family helping her, that I was going home as I had my own responsibilities, for them all to do as my sister wants "give her the time and space to recover physically and emotionally from this traumatic event".

1am Saturday night, 11 hours after my arrival, 20 minutes after reading my message to her:
she rolled to the side of the bed and stood up.
My brother in law exclaimed "what are you doing¿".  
My sister said "it's time I moved".
She walked unaided to the toilet for the first time in nearly three weeks. No screams, no crying, just calming walked off.

Actually, I now understand that I helped her Centre herself.

I've relayed this story to my BPDs26 and he was impressed with me. As he says, "mum we're all xxxxing crazy in this Family".  This conversation also gave me an opportunity to tell him that her doctor will help her get off the morphine and Diazepam. He said "will he, really¿", yes I told him.

Keep on going everybody.  Learn these skills and stay committed to changing your own behaviours. They help you in wider ways.

Have a great day.

L

Oh my gosh ---- congratulations LollyPop!

Don't you love when these skills we learn work?

I use SET in every relationship in my life --- my husband, my kids, my boss.

It helps me connect to all the people in my life, allowing them to hear me and me to hear them. :)

Thank you for sharing this story of hope. Makes me smile so much.

 

DG

Hi Lollypop


This is awesome! |iiii

Thanks for sharing, it's great to read when other members have been able to effectively put the tools into practice :)

Was this incident the first time you considered your sister might also have BPD?

Hi Kwamima

I have only seen traits in myself.

My brother committed suicide at 48 could have been BPD or bipolar. Highly intelligent, addict with a powerful job and his luck ran out. We had a dysfunctional upbringing and we all left home at 16 through our father.

I've noticed things over the years with my sister as she's always been highly emotional. She's had spells that have lasted years where she's not talked to family members because they've done something she's found unforgiveable, Shes just so emotionally demanding and her nickname is The Queen... This latest episode confirms my suspicion.

I'm glad she lives far away because I don't want to get caught up in her dramas. Ive reflected on this whole affair and can see where I went wrong. I allowed her to place me in fog and put her need above my own and my family.

Since being on this forum, I've been able to help myself and my BPDs26 with knowledge. I get counselling when I need it. I'm doing a degree in fine art as my therapy. My own life is finally happy and my relationships never better. Thanks to everyone here and my work.

Thanks again

L