BPDFamily.com

Hi, I don't know where to start. My daughter has BPD  traights and narrcississtic traights. I was aware that there was a problem when she was in 3rd grade. She is 16 now and it's just been this year that her psychiatrist put a name to it. He is not one that gives names for kids but in desperation I told him that I needed a name for this "monster" that was taking over my child. He said it is a controversial diagnosis to give someone under 18, but he has seen it develope over the last 7years. He said that there isn't a magic button that is pushed at 18 and you can finally say it." I didn't fully appreciate what he meant by that until I had tried to get help for me and the rest of the family until therapist after therapist said that t
She isn't old enough for that diagnosis. I very politely told each and everyone of them "if you have doubt of this, please feel free to come stay with us for awhile. And that I hope they didn't have a weak stomach." My daughter has been in and out of Psychiactric hospitals since 14. Nothing seems to have worked. From the never ending lies to the unbelievable self mutilation to get attention , I'm desperate for help. There is not one person in this house that is not greatly affected by this diseases.

Hi Momma Hen,

I'm so sorry you've found us under such trying circumstances.  Having a loved one with traits of BPD is very challenging.  You will find by reading the stories of others here that you are not alone.  Have any of the therapists given you any tips on how you may better interact and communicate with your daughter?  In the upper right hand margin of this page you will see some tools and lessons designed to help you do just that.  One thing many of us have learned is that we cannot change them (that's up to them), but we can change how we react to and communicate with them. 
How old and how many other children do you all have? 
You've found a great place for knowledge, understanding, and sharing.  keep posting!   

We have 4 children. The oldest just turned 18 ,17, 16 and 11.  As far as therapist go, the first 2 were so close minded to what her psychiatrist and school councilor so we're saying that they only seemed to fuel the fire. They believed everything she would say as gospel and would shower her with sympathy. They never even touched on the things that were the problem. They definitely made the issues worse. I will definitely look at the articles.

Hi there mamahen

I'm so very sorry to hear about your daughter and how her behaviours have affected your family. BPD is just devastating and unfortunately touches each member within the family. It can be utterly exhausting.

My BPDs is 26 now. He's a quiet BPD and hasn't raged but he internalises. He's used drugs for many years. Alone, these two things made it difficult enough to understand what in earth was going on. Unfortunately, he didn't get a diagnosis until he was 24 and by then I'd spent his entire life focussing on him. I tried everything through his teenage and early adult years. The more I tried to reach him, the more I tried to change him, the more he closed up.

It got very complicated and unhealthy on so many levels. My family was way off balance as all our relationships suffered.

On diagnosis I found this forum. I read all I could about BPD. The place to start is the top right hand tool bar. The more I learned about the disorder then the more I understood my sons own limitations and daily challenges. It helped me understand why he behaves as he does. This is so important and I really encourage you, if you haven't already, to learn about BPD.

There are no quick fixes. I committed myself to ALL my family, not just to my BPDs. We all needed help.

Armed with a better understanding of just how important it is to get a living and supportive environment in place I got to work. I changed the tone in my home.

I worked hard on improving communication and discovered that this is mostly listening.  I practised my validation skills on everybody. They started to respond positively.

There are many in the forum with teenage daughters. Some have dbt treatment and life at home, some are in residential treatment.

Sharing experiences and providing mutual support is so helpful. Being in this forum helps me stay consistent and persistent. Baby steps.

I discovered and accepted that I can't change my sons behaviour. I can only change my own. The silver lining is that we have a happier home, we genuinely talk and share, we have better relationships. My BPDs has responded very positively in this nurturing environment.

Now you have got a diagnosis, how do you think your daughter feels about it? How has your family responded?

Take care of yourself. I look forward to reading your posts.

L