|
Title: Controlling behavior to teen daughters? Post by: ElinorD on January 20, 2017, 08:37:07 AM My uBPDh gets old-school about the length of our teen daughters' skirts. This morning he declared to me after they went to school dressed up for something that "that skirt is too short." I just said, ls it? And went about my business.
I know a lot of dads can be like that, but when he does it, it feels like him trying to control them because of fear. He's not religiously conservative (or religious whatsoever). Our girls generally dress and behave in classy ways. And we're not talking about a truly mini skirt, just some inches above the knee. Other respectable girls would wear it. Some of it is the way he delivers it like a decree, not a concern or something to discuss. If I argue, which I did about one fashion choice our son made, he'll get angry, I know. I'm afraid he's going to be a 1950s style dad, with the way he disapproves of some of their music, too. And I think the issue I have to deal with is my fear. I'm afraid he's going to be too controlling with them (which my mother was in some ways to me as a teen, but not about clothes), and I'm afraid of what happens when I challenge anything he does as a dad. The reaction is usually big, which I know is insecurity Title: Re: Controlling behavior to teen daughters? Post by: Naughty Nibbler on January 20, 2017, 07:25:02 PM Hey ElinorD:
I think what teenagers wear and the music they listen to can be controversial issues for non's as well as pwBPD. Issues of skirt length were easy for parents in my day, the public school had a regulation. If there was doubt, you got measured. If the skirt wasn't long enough, you got sent home. I think dads can struggle if they see their daughter looking too sexy. I came to see it as a norm that parents won't like their children's music. My parent's never liked the music of my day. I think children need to be respectful, in regard to blasting music and imposing loud music on others (headphones, headphones and more headphones). I don't think setting boundaries in regard to songs with offensive lyrics would be too controlling. Some parents may set a boundary where they won't buy the music, but the child can buy their own with money from an allowance, gift money, etc. |