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Title: Read some very old messages.. Post by: ShadowA on January 20, 2017, 10:56:16 AM It's interesting to see within the time span of 8 years, Not much has changed.
I've inevitably forgotten about the things she did to me in the past consciously. However, my younger self, basically said the same thing as I am now. Told her I didn't know who she was anymore, that I may not be innocent but at least I wasn't a liar. That she should stop mind games with people, and stop lying. Kinda sad. Don't even remember writing that. Title: Re: Read some very old messages.. Post by: heartandwhole on January 20, 2017, 11:55:24 AM It is sad, Shadow, and I'm sorry you went through that for so long without anything changing. I think the deeper we get in, the harder it is to step back and see things clearly. Things that earlier would have sent us running become normal for us. We forget that at one time, some things were unacceptable. At least that was my experience.
Does reading the messages help you with closure at all? heartandwhole Title: Re: Read some very old messages.. Post by: ShadowA on January 20, 2017, 12:18:41 PM Does reading the messages help you with closure at all? heartandwhole You know, I'm not quite sure. I mean, it makes me realize that I'm not mistaken of what she is like as this has been going on for a very long time. At the same time, however. Lately my mood has went from angry, to being sad and missing things. I'm sure it helps with closure to an extent... .But... . Idk... I still miss her. A lot. I don't miss the pain, but I miss her personality when it was good. I'm not sure if it's something I'm able to fully let go. Kinda makes me wish she is missing me too. Title: Re: Read some very old messages.. Post by: FallenOne on January 20, 2017, 12:39:58 PM I completely understand how you feel... I also miss mine... And she betrayed the hell out of me just a month ago by leaving and got a restraining order on me (and I didn't even do anything... ).
So that is the effect these people have on us... Mine left me and got a restraining order, and completely betrayed me, yet I miss her and would probably talk to her if she revoked the order... -_- Title: Re: Read some very old messages.. Post by: vortex of confusion on January 20, 2017, 12:54:56 PM You know, I'm not quite sure. I mean, it makes me realize that I'm not mistaken of what she is like as this has been going on for a very long time. I recently found some old writings of ex's, which included stuff from our marriage prep classes almost 20 years ago. It has helped me to see that I am NOT crazy. Some of this stuff has been going on since the very beginning. I am not imagining things. I am not making stuff up and I was NOT impatient with him. I think 20 years is enough time. I found something from 4 or 5 years ago where he was going on and on about personal responsibility and how a person's behavior impacts those around them. The funny thing is that he is still saying the same thing yet very little has changed. Excerpt At the same time, however. Lately my mood has went from angry, to being sad and missing things. I'm sure it helps with closure to an extent... .But... . I don't know if I should be madder at him or myself. I am not even sure what there is to miss at this point. Yes, there were some really good times. I don't want those good times back. The stuff that he has done overshadows all of it and I know that I can't look at him like that again. I see him as a broken individual that has more problems than I can realistically handle. It hurts to be at that point but it is also freeing to finally be able to step back and say, "I did my best." |