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Title: Help with custody and coparenting Post by: MammaCT on January 24, 2017, 11:25:40 AM How do you validate someone with BPD when you know what they are saying isn't true?
Title: Re: Help with custody and coparenting Post by: livednlearned on January 24, 2017, 12:44:23 PM Hi MammaCT,
Validation addresses how someone is feeling. It is acknowledging and accepting that they feel awful. It is not necessarily agreeing with their thoughts about why they feel awful (or mad, or scared, or hopeless, etc.). What is your BPD person saying that is not true? There are instances where you don't validate the invalid -- other communication skills might be necessary. Maybe we can walk through a scenario with you and look at specifics. LnL Title: Re: Help with custody and coparenting Post by: Mutt on January 24, 2017, 02:09:55 PM Hi MammaCT,
*welcome* I'd like to join livednlearned and welcome you to bpdfamily. I can see how frustrating and difficult it is when we co-parent with someone with a mental illness and they alter reality often. It helps to talk to people that have walked a mile in your shoes and can offer you guidance and support. BPD is an emotional dysregulation disorder, sometimes if our exes are emotionally dysregulated and having a tantrum, timing can really help. For example if my ex wife is in this state, I usually wait for a day maybe two and she won't recall that she was dysregulated and it's easier to communicate. You're not alone. How many kids? How old are your kids? Boys or girls? Title: Re: Help with custody and coparenting Post by: Yleesor on February 12, 2017, 06:40:45 PM Sorry but that is impossible with a BPR person. What they mean by validation is ypu saying your wrong every time they do crazy.
Great book called " stop walking on eggshells" ... .get it! Title: Re: Help with custody and coparenting Post by: bus boy on February 15, 2017, 05:52:27 AM They do wrong and expect us to be responsible for it. I wish I could say you will be able to coparent but if your ex partner is BPD/NPD it will probably be very difficult. I've tried for 10 years to coparent, we have been to court many times and Xw is still extremely difficult. In fact she gets mad at me for taking back to court. They are emotionally disordered. All they see is we do them wrong by holding them accountable. My Xw lied ing the stand many times, twists and manuplates the truth. Even with black and white evidence presented in court will be lied and twisted. I wish you all the best. Sorry to sound so negative but it is my experience and the experience of many on here. Keep a detaled journal and keep posting. All the best.
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