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My uBPDh is stuck on a subject and I'm really at a loss on what to do. His current obsession is that the government is rigged, the media is making us hate each other on the left and right, anarchy is the answer. Ok. I'll entertain this for a bit but he has been non stop for 3 days. He is making it his mission to let anyone wth a political opinion on FB know they are being duped and is spending hours on posting about this. When I get home from work he has to read every post out loud to me. IfI don't agree with him then I'm "one of them", brainwashed, a fool, etc. The good thing is he is on a great mood. It's almost like he is manic.

This happened about 3 months ago. He got obsessed with Mandela effect. I began to get very concerned about his mental health. He seemed almost delusional. I'm not sure how to respond to him.

Hey Tattered Heart: 

The best way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a new, healthier one. Is there something else he might be drawn into?  Any hobbies or other interests he could be coaxed into?

Is he a bit obsessive compulsive, ADD/ADHD or bipolar?

Have you tried to set a boundary? This has to be distressing for you. That is the last thing I'd want to debate right after work.  Maybe he needs to find a forum that agrees with his logic and they can validate each other.   :)

H gets like this, and about the same topics!  Lol.

I kinda found the Mandela Effect interesting, and since H is a forever aspiring writer who can't get past his self-hatred to actually write, he likes to talk out a lot of his ideas for scifi and other concepts, so a lot of the same things fascinate him.

He has recently stopped writing long responses on social media.  He got into it with a friend from an opposing view point, and while I agree with other mutual friends that the friend was lacking in friend-qualities and mostly used my H as a path to free beer (H would spend lots of money to keep this guy happy), H actually regrets taking him to task for it because he did it semi-publically inside a chat group we all share.  H also liked to read aloud all that he wrote, or would send it to me during the workday for my opinion/editing.  Since we typically agree on these topics, and both find them of interest, I can usually validate his interest and feelings, but yes, it's exhausting when I want to duck into the bathroom and he's reading to me through the door.  If possible, I try to get busy preparing to leave to exercise, cook dinner and clean the kitchen, and let him know I am listening but I am not going to stand still to do it - I have other things to also be doing.  Sometimes he gets mad, because I am a "whirlwind who's all business" when I'm like, "I'm tired, but these things need to be done and you don't do them.  You can stand there and talk to me while I do dishes, but be prepared to move a few feet as needed so I can get things done".

He also tends to be like this late at night, and I've had to develop some not-so-subtle cues thatI am going to sleep now, please calm down, quiet down, it's 2AM.  I turn off my light, and if he's calm, can fall asleep.  Sometimes, I need to put on a sleep mask to state "I'm going to sleep!", and roll over.  He gets a bit manic right before bed, and I am not quite sure why.  He says the shower wakes him up (we both shower at night, hating to do so in the morning). 

He gets obsessive all the time about new or old pursuits, but can rarely stick to one more than a few months at a time.  He likes to create, so he makes art, he makes items for friends, then he swings away and wants to write but won't, and then he gets fussy about organization and filing of things, back to painting all over again.  He'll need all new brushes and paints, then all new tools for other projects, then all new organizational items.  Right now he's moderately obsessed with w game, and wants to buy all manner of accessories for it, file things for it perfectly, and spend all evenings planning to play it to playing it. 

I don't think it's OCD with H.  I think it's a channel for his emotional dysregulation, and his lack of executive control, time management, and need for me to feel how he feels to be validated that cause this.  He feels like a bum, so he must have an activity.  Nevermind he gets discouraged and often stops the activity.  While there is an interest, it's huge. 

Anyway, my H does this, too.   

Yes I think it's the same. When he can't find reasons to be upset with me, work, or other things, then he turns to these subjects. He is currently absolutely sure that he is helping people become enlightened. He has about 3-4 subjects that he cycles through. He is decreasing in his obsessiveness a little and moving on to a new subject:NLP. Like you these subjects are interesting but in short spurts. We argued this morning so I wonder if this will break his dysregulation cycle and reset him back to honeymoon phase.

I just know that I am CRAVING some quiet time to myself and would love to take a weekend away to just sit and read or stare at the wall or sit quietly. But he would never go for that. When I get off work I'm going to go sit by the river and practice some mindfulness.

Oh man, I love to have some time to just be left alone and read till I fall asleep, and to sleep with the house empty for a few hours.  I grew up a neglected only child, and when the BPD parents were gone, and I was alone for hours I know it sounds horrible, but I think I felt better overall.  No more eggshells for a few hours, no accusations of being lazy. 

H used to have some places to go now and then, either when he had to work late to make up hours while finishing his degree, or when he'd go help at a local shop in town, and I enjoyed those days to simply clean at my pace, finish projects.  Now, he rarely goes out unless I am going, too, and I am more inclined to be the one running errands while he stays home.  So I get little to no time at home alone, even in the shower he wants to come in and talk because being alone can trigger him.

It's not that I don't like time with him - it's just that I want a little bit by myself where I'm not taking care of a task.  Getting groceries hardly counts as a relaxing peaceful time. 

Paranoid ideation and delusions, such as conspiracies, are common BPD traits. Usually transient, and best just humoured until they pass. Trying to fight them puts you into the category of co conspirator

My H is the same. He leaves work after me. Gets home before I do and doesn't go anywhere without me. He follows me into the bathroom and if I lock the door he thinks I don't want to be with him. We have 2 bathrooms. He waits until I'm in the shower then comes in to do his stuff. So in the last 2 weeks I've waited for him to go to the bathroom first then use the 2nd bathroom. So far that seems to be working.

I get the idea of it having to run its course. I try to take it in stride and remind myself that he is out of control of what is going on on his mind. It's very trying to constantly have to validate when he is like this. And I often fail after the 4th or 5th day. But I do try.

Wow, I just posted something similar. My H w BPD loves Alex Jones and leans toward conspiracy theories. He is mistrustful of any body of authority, be it scientific consensus, government, corporate media or otherwise. I think it's all due to the needing to feel "in control," and childhood trauma of having parents betray his trust and shake up his feelings of stability and normalcy. The whole, "Everything is not as it seems" concept is attractive to those with BPD and trauma.

I think obsessive posting is your mate's way of seeking validation. Maybe if you discuss his feelings about it and work to actively listen, and help him channel these thoughts into some kind of positive action (maybe donating to independent investigative journalistic agencies, such as ProPublica, for example), it might be a better expenditure of time and energy.

That is a great idea! He enjoys donating to various causes. One of his spiritual gifting is giving. I always try to encourage him to take action in a way that would help him instead of destroying relationships would help.