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Title: Wife with BPD Post by: Peakyblind3 on January 24, 2017, 09:53:24 PM My wife is diagnosed with BPD. I struggle daily with the walking on eggshells. She feels I see her as her disorder amd not a person but it is so hard for me to not be effected by her constant beraiding and hurtful words. Any words of wisdom or ways to help cope? I see a therapist myself which helps but I cannot get my spouse to see one to help. Says they understand what they have and a therapist wont help. How can I approach their need for therapy?
Thanks Title: Re: Wife with BPD Post by: Tattered Heart on January 25, 2017, 04:56:31 PM Hi peaky,
Sorry to hear what you are going through. Living with someone with BPD is a constant battle between their words and behavior and our own sanity. Sadly, we can't force our pwBPD into therapy and from what I've seen in other posts, once someone has the diganosis of BPD its hard to get them to acknowledge they need help or to even accept the diagnosis. When I first learned about BPD and realized my H probably has it, I would frequently look at him like a problem. I did see him as a disordered person. I didn't mean to, but it came out in my language and the way I talked to him. Once I told him he was crazy and that did not go well AT ALL for over a week. It actually caused him to increase his behavior to meet the standard that I put on him. If I thought he was crazy, then by god he was going to act crazy. I found out that it really destroyed him to know that his wife, the woman he loves and wants respect from, thought he was mentally imbalanced. That broke my heart to know that he was so hurt knowing that I saw him that way. One thing I've done is that when I look at my husband I no longer see just his BPD. I try to figure out what he really needs from me and address behavior, not the mental illness. He can control his behavior, but he can't control a diagnosis. One place to start is to read the lessons on the left. It's important to look at our own reactions to our pwBPD. Before you can make things better you must stop making them worse. When you start to make changes in your language and even in your perception of your pwBPD, then you may see changes in their intensity and frequency of behavior. |