BPDFamily.com

So before all is said is this, the most important thing; I met her online like 2 weeks before new year's eve.
She's from europe and im from america, is not really a problem for us cause we have the economy to just go see each other.

Okey, so we hit it off no problem, i wasnt looking for a girl to date and she wasnt either we even had the "Single, not looking" tag going.

We start knowing each other with jokes and telling each other life situation and what not and things really "click"

Everythings good and one day she goes cold and distant, not really far into knowing each other i just go "okey, whatever. Its sad but meh"
Days later she starts talking to me as her usual self and is really warm/lovely with me so i get confused.
I demand an explenation and she says she has anxiety and depression and sometimes it gets to her but she goes to therapy as she wants to get better. Says she goes distant and quiet cause she doesnt wanna say stuff that might end up hurting me and that she just needs time and space not to worry about it.

so days go by and shes still soo amazing with me like before her "episode" so i admit i start developing feelings for her, she stayed like that for a couple days and i notice she starts slipping back into an episode(i notice that when her work gets stressful she starts to slip into the dark side hehe).
Me being new at these things i "try" to help her by being insistent and just not giving her time or space when she needs cause even when she is distant and wants to be alone sometimes she still reaches out for me.

So she snaps and tells me she just cant be like this anymore, our "thing" is not real that she fcked up and she doesnt wanna be together.  (never being rude just honest)
I got overwhelmed too and just rant on her about this being another anxiety attack, shes not her usual self and tell her some stuff i wish i didnt like her "anxiety and depression are controling her life"
I find time to cool off so i just leave her a message about "not to worry about it, well talk when everythings cool"

So we start taking it slow from that on, talking a bit here and there. I tell her to not worry or talk about "us" until she has her head back in place.(normally is after 4 days after peak bad day). Shes back at being her usual lovely self and we go to skype to talk about us, really really open up to each other. She says alot of stuff like "i wanna make this work, you're worth the wait, im yours only yours and you're mine only mine, im so sorry for everything i make you go through, i wanna make you happy just like you make me." All of those stuff people would say to each other in a happy place. also makes remarks about "future" together
after that day things really start looking like "relationship" but non of us really mention the word so its ok, we're on the same page.

Same cycle 8 or so days happen she i notice shes slipping back to an episode since her work is getting stressful(some clients make her mad) I've work on retail so i know all about that haha

She finally tells me she has BPD and that everything used to be better but lately shes slipping back. So i make my research about, found this site, found BPD reddit, watch videos, read threads on this and reddit. So i start to get better at dealing with her episodes.

Just let her have her space and time when she needs it and let her know im here for her when she needs me.
But i just cant help to feel really sad when her episodes start, i just cant leave her alone and try to contact her when i clearly notice she doesnt want to sometimes and she expresses she thinks of me still thinks and cares for me but she just wants to be alone right now.

she goes to therapy and does her homework that her therapist gives her, im kind off not really certain to really commit in this relationship as a real one for i have the opportunity to even go see her in a couple of months(plane tickets cheaper if bought months prior haha) but running to the other side of the world and be with her and have an amazing time until she wakes up next to me and her brain tells her to kick me out haha its scary but im willing to do all that for her since when she is at her best she maybe the perfect girl for me.
I consider myself like a guy that knows what he wants and is really realistic so i need to see a really solid wish of her to get better with therapy for myself to be really sure in this relationship.
She also says doesnt like to pill herself and for the threads i've seen with sucessful relationships with BPD people most of them do therapy and meds but she only does therapy and is only twice a month.
Last time i asked her to look into having more sessions a month she just told me to not tell her what to do(she was in an "episode" day so that may have been an error from me).

My point is: How can i get better to deal with her "episodes" and not feel miserable myself?

Hey CanCake:   
Sorry your girlfriend has BPD. You can't change her. The likely situation is that she will always be dealing with BPD.  She may experience periods of remission, but certain stresses and events will likely bring on episodes.

The only thing you have control over is you - how you interact with her and how you react to her. The more strategies and communication skills you learn and apply, the better you can make it.

Check out some of the info. And tools.  The wide green banner at the top of this page has a "Tools" menu and there are some tools in the margin to the right.

Check out some of the tools and let us know what you think. Don't hesitate to ask questions. Some of the communication skills can take some practice.

Thanks alot for the words! I do have been lurking this site for a couple of days now and i've seen the videos and articles about the "tools" and more stuff i can do to interact with her. (:

All I can say is to not set your expectations too high... .I read everything I could get my hands on, viewed dozens of videos, and practiced DBT techniques all while trying to encourage my exBPDgf to get into therapy. I was all in for the work that it was going to take to support her... .I loved her so much that I was going to be unstoppable in my love and support of her... .I was a rescuer and had no problem rolling up my sleeves and getting down to work in fixing her... .that mentality is what made me such a great teacher and coach. But loving a borderline and working your butt off to help them has few if any rewards... .the bottom line is that they are the ones that have to want to change... .it's daunting and devastating... .I put all that work in over 5 months and I became more like a borderline instead of her becoming more "normal"... .it's a long road only to find that it's a dead end or the bridge is out... .

The best thing you can do for your relationship is to take care of yourself... .take good care

Thanks alot for your words, man.
I do have low expectations as the "relationship" is still new just cant seem to shake the idea of me and her, even told her i was not going to say dumb stuff like i was going to save her since shes the only one that can do that but still whenever she goes silent i feel miserable, dont know why.