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Title: My Other Seems To Have Some Symptoms... Post by: glenguy on January 27, 2017, 07:41:15 AM Well here it is... .she has problems accepting her accomplishments, went to trade school, did (very) well, got a job right away yet, if i complement her on this she says things like ( huh, the job again, yes I know but, i want complements about being a woman once in awhile.) Seems to discount my opinions on a regular basis rather than embrace them even a little. Ever since I can remember, she has said things like (I'm just a fat biatch and if someone better comes along you will just dump me like a bad habit) (she did lose the weight and is by no means fat today) Seems frantic if i go to a news chat room and talk with names that have female titles even though there are plenty of known male-types there. If I want to go to neighbors to watch football, seems unhappy that I am having a good time there. Says things like (why do you hate me so much) over and over again if we have even a slight disagreement. Threatens to kill herself alot over the phone when we are apart like some sort of stick to get me to do as she wishes and when i hold my ground, starts to use things that I have said in the past to her in anger or frustration or, the females of my past to prove how much of a bad man I am. (I used to date a lot in my 20's) now in my fifties but, I wanted to be honest about it with her. Bottom line ... .Just the slightest disagreement sets her off and if i even glance at another female has a true hissy fit each and every time. Also, these symptoms ABSOLUTELY DO INCREASE DURING MENSTRUATION TIMES... . I have set guidelines as to what she can not speak to me about over and over again but... .it seems like she is (unable) to stop referring to my past. It causes me great frustration and i end up saying things I really dont mean as a way to stop the onslaught and verbal attacks from her. She keeps saying (what did I do wrong ? ) all the time like she cannot grasp that verbal abuse is not a good thing to give to a person close to you... . She claims to have been treated for some sort of depression and anxiety before in her past. Also, put me on a pedestal right away when we met because she felt I helped her emotionally,listened to her gave her some coping suggestions breathing, music, imagery etc. Now after 3 yrs still feels frantic on a regular basis. There must be something besides a bunch of chemicals to only (dumb her down) to get to the root of this problem and loose the demon that is hidden inside her waiting for redundant trigger points to occur and ruin our basic conversations or nice days yes? But, the question is, am I on the correct page in the internet ? (tyvm) Glenguy Title: Re: My Other Seems To Have Some Symptoms... Post by: Mutt on January 27, 2017, 11:51:46 AM Hi glenguy,
*welcome* I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I can see how depressing it would feel when communication breaks down in a r/s and it's different when our partner suffers from BPD, or traits of BPD. We can't diagnose, only a professional can do that, what we can do is look at BPD traits and set boundaries for ourselves. Excerpt I have set guidelines as to what she can not speak to me about over and over again but... .it seems like she is (unable) to stop referring to my past. Different because feelings = facts to a pwBPD where feelings are followed by facts to a non, I'd like to add that a pwBPD have low self esteem, low self worth, self loath, are highly critial and judgemental to themselves and others too. A pwBPD need a lot of validation, validation is crucial when your partner suffers from BPD, it's a skill that carries over to other interpersonal r/s's in life. You've told her what your boundary is about your past and she's keep baiting, I'd suggest to not JADE, don't Justify Attack Defend Explain your past, maybe you've already done this but you could tell her again that it's not open to discussion and if she brings the subject up, you'll leave to get some air, you don't necessarily have to leave the house, but you set the boundary on you, not on your partner, if she does X then I do Y. You don't have to explain anything to anyone. Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating) Don't "JADE" (justify, argue, defend, explain) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=139972.0) |