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Although the final breakup we were calm about things... .Im still very upset. I let her talk and take jabs at me without fuss.  She being an undiagnosed BPD with traits of Narcissm we believe.  I spent a year on her roller coaster ride. Through the ups and downs.  There were moments of pure joy, but mostly moments of sadness.  She kept me at a far distance. Everything on her terms. I finally took a week break with no texting her. I told her I was alright just processing things. She left me alone and by saturday she asked for her earrings back ( thats all I had of hers).  I went and dropped them off even though it was hard to see her.  I went in and we discussed things.  She blamed me for all of it mostly.  Then said we really had nothing in common ( which is a total lie) then said we come from different worlds, that I come off stuck up but she knows Im not. She says she feels like the dumbest person around me and my friends because we have degreees and she doesnt. Shes like that makes me feel uncomfortable.  Then says theres no going back to this, Im done Done.   The entire time Im just listening thinking wow... .My friends dont care what education you have. She even likes them, so for her to say all this Im shocked she felt this way.  Just two weeks ago we had a blast at my friends house... .That night told me she loved me.   I told her straight thay I lived her so much, she said No you dont, no you dont. Shes like you never told me you were in the hospital, i knew then where I stod. I said I didnt wantvtou to think you had to come out there knowing you hate hospitals.  Shes like completely saying everything I wanted her to do this passed year, throwing back in my face as I wasn't doing the things I asked of her.  It was pure torture. I told her Ive stuck by you, through everything and love you no matter what. I said yes we need to end this. So i hugged her and left.   All that work I feel for nothing. We have a lot in common but she wouldnt let mebin to see that... .Help me understand this... .Help

Hi Lynn324

Sorry to hear that you are struggling with the loss of your r/s.

Understanding a pwBPD is not easy to do because their understanding and construct of relationships is very different than non's.  A fear of abandonment and enmeshment are the primary fears.  It is confusing to us because they want to be loved and have someone close to them and yet this desire also represents their deepest fear.  This is what sets up a push/pull dynamic that we get caught up in.  Unfortunately, the closer you become, the more triggered and pronounced the fears become.

How long has it been since you last spoke with her?  :)o you have friends that you are able to share your hurt with?

I last spoke with her on sunday morning when we bith agreed to end it.  Its hard cause I can tell its her just pushing me away... .Like I meant nothing.  She said she didnt want me to hate her. But yet tonight shes blowing up snapchat with pucs of her and all her friends... .Work friends not her close friends. Her close friends love me, her work friends do not because they like to flirt with her, so I was never aloud to go to their team bowling nights.  So yes snapping all kinds of pics... .I know I shd just delete her off of my snap but I cannot, because that would mean that this got to me creating a win for her.  I dint get it... .We ended things nicely... .Why all this in my face stuff?  I have a lot of people helping me thru this, its been incredibly difficult and painful. Thank you so much for responding.