BPDFamily.com

Well kind of a non-update since things have been fairly uneventful... .First of all, I'm having baby #2 next week! That and house renovations has kept us very busy.

SD12 is doing awesome in middle school. Her emotions have stabled out and we have FAR fewer meltdowns. I'm so proud of how she has matured.   With her increasing independence, she is also gaining an awareness of uBPDbm's behaviors. She's starting to show more resistance to going back to uBPDbm's house and a resistance to calling uBPDbm nightly. From what she tells us, things seem chaotic over there. uBPDbm's other baby daddy moved in, and they went and snatched the older sister (who up until this point had been raised by the grandparents in another state) and brought her down to live. So now SD is sharing a room with her older sister that she has seen only a handful of times in her life. The girls seem to be getting along fairly well but it's still a big adjustment. I think uBPDbm is having the hardest time of it. SD says that uBPDbm explodes and yells at everyone and cries a lot. Then she takes the girls to the mall to try to make up for it.

Mostly we've avoided engaging with uBPDbm so things have been going along with just a normal/low level BPD chaos. We are still stalled in our court case because of the neverending CE (ordered in June of 2014, still no report!). Last week DH got an email from the CE asking for a pdf of allllll the communication that has occurred on Our Family Wizard since they signed up for it 2.5 years ago. DH then debated also sending an update to the CE because he knew it would be another round of delays but since there have been so many significant changes lately (uBPDbm's roommate moved out, the baby daddy moved in, they brought the sister down to live, uBPDbm quit her day job and now only works nights at the strip club... .then on our end we turned our house from a 2 bedroom into a 3 for the babies, DH is still a stay at home dad and student, and baby #2 is coming soon) he sent it anyway. Now our L said the CE is waiting to hear from uBPDbm for her side of this new update.

And all uBPDm has to do to stall even further is nothing at all. Though it sounds like she is going to be more reactive than that, given her mental state. At least kiddo is adjusting well. I sometimes think it would be better if my two could spend more time with their uBPDm just so that they'd have to deal with how she is face to face instead of sainting her for months at a time and only being glad they live with us for a little while after they first come back from their few short visits.

I'm glad to hear the baby is coming soon! I'm pregnant myself (my first bio) and I've got a long and uncomfortable way to go still. Hang in there! It sounds like all the kiddos are going to be alright.   

Thunder, thanks for the update. You have been on my mind.

Congrats to you and Nope on the upcoming arrivals. It gives me hope that everyone is moving on in the world, BPD or not. (Sometimes I feel like the BPD element keeps us stuck over here)

I wish there was better news on the CE front, but it seems like maybe things are going to work out the way they should anyway. My guess is your SD will be 18 and it won't matter by the time it comes around.   |iiii

Best wishes and blessing on your new year and all your endeavors!   

The first baby was an adjustment for SD... .she didn't like that he was loud and stole all the attention from friends/family/strangers. She said "I don't love him". bah! Now that he's older he just lights up for her (she's his favorite person!) and SD has fun talking to him and playing with him.

SD *just* turned 12 and uBPDbm thinks that 12 is the magic age where SD can testify in court. uBPDbm is expecting to pressure her into choosing to live at her mom's. uBPDbm has made that comment to us on several occasions "I can't wait until SD turns 12 and burn your butt in court". Eyeroll. I'm expecting that things will get crazier before they get better. We really need that CE report. :/

The kids uBPDm just had a baby a couple of months ago and they also have a younger sibling from another relationship she had. But this will be the first new sibling on their dad's side. They seem to think they are pros at having new siblings at this point but I think it's going to be harder on them than they think watching their dad with the baby and knowing how much time with him they lost between his military service and their mom's obstruction. Since we told them about the baby SS12 has started spending a lot more time hanging off of DH and climbing into his lap. Yes, a middle schooler.

Twelve hasn't been the magic age in about twenty years, depending on the state. Kids can have an "in camera" with the judge at any age but they will be expected to justify their preference. When uBPDm pushed the kids into an in-camera it hurt her a lot more than it helped because SS12 (then 9) was clearly sad and tormented about and SD13 (then 11) was speaking in a way that made it clear that she was acting as a mouthpiece for her mom. But uBPDm would never have seen that coming because she can't see outside of herself well enough to objectively troubleshoot a plan.