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Title: My wife keeps telling me to leave - pls help with setting limit Post by: Zulu on February 10, 2017, 04:49:54 AM Hi I'm new to this group and also recently discovered that my Wife has BPD from listening to the book 'walking on egg shells' and speaking with my therapist. Some context: She exhibits All the usual traits including splitting, black mail, acting very black and white on issues and violent bursts of anger. She tells me She doesn't love me, never will and wants a divorce at least once a month. We have been married for 5 years. We have five beautiful, the eldest has left home but the younger ones are 2, 4, 9 & 10. The more I learn about BPD the more empathy I feel for my Wife but I am also petrified about the effects this will have On our kids. I am doing everything I can to keep my Family Together and live in hope that eventually my wife Will open up to therapy. (There is no way I can discuss BPD now. even trying to discuss our relationship with her triggers extreme anger) My mother was like this growing up so I'm in the cliche, married Your mother situation. As I'm sure many of you are. Today after visiting my Brother who my wife dislikes but who is my Best friend, my wife told me she wants a divorce, again. Ive just realised the need for me to start setting limits and would like to stop the constant Threat of divorce and moving out for a night or two before being called back in again. Any ideas on the best way to approach the threat of divorce specifically and if and how I can set boundaries with this? I do love my wife and my family dearly and desperately want to make things work. Any response much appreciated. Title: Re: My wife keeps telling me to leave - pls help with setting limit Post by: heartandwhole on February 10, 2017, 08:36:54 AM Hi Zulu,
*welcome* I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems in your relationship. It's very hard to hear "I want a divorce" so often from someone you love dearly and still stay emotionally balanced. That is really tough. You've found a great place for support. The members here have been in similar situations and understand the challenges you are facing. The good news is that there is hope for things to get better for you and your family. This site has tons of tools and resources to help. How do your children cope with your wife's anger? Does your wife get physical? When you have a chance, take a look at the right sidebar---------> where you will find tons of tools that can help you communicate in a way that calms conflict. There is also a link to boundary setting that I think you'll find helpful: Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries) Keep posting and sharing. It really helps. We are here to support you. heartandwhole |