BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone... .can't believe I'm doing this, can any of you guys attest to sharing your story feeling a bit... .strange? Well my mother had BPD along with a lot of other physical health issues... .she's completely isolated herself from friends and family, so she requires my brother and I to pretty much be her everything... she treats us and herself horribly, yet because of her issues when I try to back away from her I carry so much guilt... .quite honestly I'd be much happier if I didn't have to deal with her at all, but she'd have no one else to help her... .I feel awful for even feeling that way... .I'm trying to maintain my own happiness and that's difficult on its own at times... .being raised by a mom who constantly mentally abused you has its effects ofcourse... .just seeing how sharing my story will help me

Hi R_llmo,  

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I can understand that it's difficult to share personal stories about family. My ex wife displays BPD traits and my dad displays a anxiety disorder and ADHD traits and I didn't know who turn to, so I kept to myself for a lot years. I found  bpdfamily and I thought what a wonderful place, we're all similar, I can relate with these people and above all its a place that doesn't judge you or invalidate your thoughts and feelings. That was huge because for the first time in my life ii started talking about my past and validate a lot of painful feelings.

You'll see that you'll fit right in, you're not alone. The lessons are on the right side of the board. I'm looking forward to reading your posts.‎

Hello and welcome.

Yes, sharing my story felt strange the first time I did it and honestly still does on occassion.  A lot of the strangeness was because I was going against the rule of never talking about personal/family stuff and the knowledge that talking about my mother would bring about some nasty consequences at earlier times in my life.  Talking and sharing will get easier over time and feel more okay.

Re: the benefits of posting here... .I can tell you that I have gained a lot of insight and healing by posting here.  The feedback and support here is excellent and people really get it.  How much you benefit from posting can really depend on how vulnerable you are willing to be here and how willing you are to hear feeback from others even if it may not be what you want to hear.  As I have posted here and read a lot I have rarely seen a post that is not offered in support with kindness and a desire to help.

Like anything else, you get out of it what you are willing to put in.  Honesty and vulnerability are important... .besides, it's anonymous!

Congrats on making your first post.   |iiii

Take care!

Hi R_Ilmo,

I want to join the others and say welcome to the BPD Family    I'm really glad you decided to post.  There are a lot of us here due to various relationships with a pwBPD (person with BPD).  I'm here because my SO (Siginificant Other) has an uBPDxw (undiagnosed BPD ex-wife).  I arrived here a very angry lady.  I just couldn't understand how the ex could treat her children the way she did. 

I've since learned a lot about BPD, learned better communication skills, have gained insight into my SO's relationship with his ex and their daughters interactions with their mom.  Being here has even gone beyond that in terms of better understanding myself and my own behaviors.

The members here are great, lots of varying perspectives, ideas, experiences that can really help when you have a question or concern.  If you're like me one of the first things you notice is how similar everyone's stories are and you are not alone... .the people here "get it".

Is there anything in particular you want to discuss, work on, or help with?  Like Mutt mentioned check out the Lessons section in the box to the right.  Each topic listed is a link to more information, just click on what ever interests you most.

You mentioned having guilt related to your mom, you might be interested in reading about what we here call FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) here is a link to more information... .
https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog

I'm glad you've joined the rest of us and hope to hear more from you in the future.

Panda39

Welcome R_llmo! 

I'm really glad you shared an opening post with us!  |iiii I think it takes a lot of courage to make that first post. Good for you!

I also know it takes a lot of bravery to even speak at all about your childhood and a BPD parent. To shine a light, even briefly upon something that has been hidden in darkness so long can be unsettling at best, and terrifying that they might find out on the other side of the spectrum. Rest assured that you are among family here that is safe and who understand.

When I first tried to open up about my uBPDm, I was so scared that somehow, someway, someone would meet her and spill the beans of my talking about her. Trust was super hard for me, even with my T. As you begin to open up and share, I think you will feel the freedom that comes from sharing the heavy load, long borne on your own shoulders, but now supported by the strength of others.

Have you taken a look at the list on the right side, The Survivors Guide? When you click on a number, a larger explanation opens up to explain more. Where do you think you are on the list?

Thank you for sharing with us!
 
Wools