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Hi, since I dont feel like Im detaching Ill repost this here:
To make long story short. It was LDR, she knew she had some problems (she used to say that she's "broken". I wanted to be her knight, got totally codependent and all. I quit my hobbies, she was playing the first role in my life. She used to break up with me about 3 or 4 times but the longest bu lasted one day. I either chased her or she came crawling back with apologies and crying. Ofc I had no idea about BPD and stuff back then. Then mr. Replacement shown up, I knew that she has been triangulating, and one day I had enough. I dumped her, telling that she's selfish etc. And the next day I was back to beg her back. I thought that I always let her back so should she now. Silly me. She said she needs a break, cuz she doesnt know what she feels. Week later she msgd me on fb, that this doesnt make sense and we're done. I just responded "Ok, I understand". I wanted NC, but 12 days later I broke it on fb telling her that I'm not angry about that decision, apologosed for my behavior in rs and even thanked her that she ended it, cuz now I see my mistakes and I can move on and work on myself. She replied similar things, and then she admited that she is with him. That he loved her for longer period of time, and she had to admit before herself, that she was keeping the same in her. But what made me confused was her statement, that she hopes that I dont hate her, that she still likes me, adores me (she used the word between liking and loving in my first language), that im a great guy and that someone will apreciate it one day. And that she hopes I will return to the game we used to play together. I just told her that I need time to handle myself, that I spent too much time in the game, and maybe I'll return one day when I get my stuff done. Then I said I have to go and finished the conversation. 3 days later I decided to unfriend her on fb and NC since then. I checked her fb recently and realized, that there is no job information regarding her job, where she was obligated to keep this info by her supervisors, so I guess she quit/lost it. As my replacement is rly wealthy it makes sense. When we were together she was saying two things.1st, that she is afraid she'll lose her job, as she has no qualifications she would have a hard time in fiding another in my country. 2nd, that she could live with a guy who would pay for her so she's not obligated to work, but she doesn't want to depend on that person.  I know that no matter what I should keep NC and work on myself,   but after reading this board I still do have hope that in the future we can try to reunite if she fails her rs. Now I am too weak to be with her, but maybe in future. What do u think guys? Shes not the cut off type, she keeps photos connected with our rs, hasnt unfriended me on other apps and so.

Hi No1important,

It's hard to say if you will get back together with your ex., especially if you have to wait for a relationship to fail before that happens, but your feelings of hope that things can turn around are very understandable. I felt that way, too, after my breakup.

During this "time-out," you can educate yourself as much as you can about BPD, and learn tools to help communicate and set boundaries, so that your future relationship, if it does come about, has the best chance of surviving and thriving.  |iiii

I recommend the link at the right sidebar What does it take to make it? (https://bpdfamily.com/portfolio-save-relationship)

There you will find excellent articles that will help you decide the best course of action for you.

What are you doing for self-care?

heartandwhole

First thing to do was finding a T. I also reconnected with friends (they are rly supportive luv that guys). Trying to find some hobbies. I know my problem is codependency (maybe even sone NPD stuff) so Im not good for her now. This is my first priority to 'fix' myself. What comes next we will see.

Other thing that gives me hope: she had one bf before me and at the start of our rs he was totally painted black. Only things she remembered about him was that he said that he hopes she will die. And stories how abusive he was. Later on in our rs she said, that he wasn't that bad, that she wasnt perfect aswell. When we argued once he even was soothing her (she told he reached for her, but now im not so sure if that's a true). SHe even told me once 'maybe I will get back to him' when she was upset with me. But I guess he rushed too much, he wanted to meet her very fast after they started to talk, so I guess he scared her. But she has that reconnecting thing in her, it's just a matter of patience I believe. Patience and improoving myself.