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Title: Radical Acceptance Post by: marti644 on February 19, 2017, 03:21:09 PM There are alot of things that I did wrong in my BPD-ex relationship which I mentioned in a previous post. My inability to create proper boundaries, my rescuer complex, and my own poor insight into my actions precipitated the end of my relationship.
Today I am really struggling with accepting what I know is true about my former mate: cheating, lying, manipulation, etc. I am trying very hard to understand the disorder to continue to develop a growing sympathy for her. My anger comes in waves and I am trying to get it under control. No human being deserves to be so tortured as those who have BPD. While I can confidently say that I will overcome this situation most people with BPD will live in a turmoil I can only begin to imagine. I wish I and others had known more about this disorder, to help these people get therapy as the onset of symptoms becomes apparent. Such lost souls. Radical Acceptance of what is seems to be the only way to just accept what happened. I did what I did, she did what she did, and there is nothing I can do but accept what happened and use the new tools I have to break the pattern. The hardest part is the cheating, my pride is so wounded to know that she could do this to me. Especially because the cheating was due to her perceptions that I was going to cheat. I know I have to accept this but I have never been cheated on before (that I know of) so the damage to my self-esteem is significant. This is something I am still working on. I just feel so psychologically dirty and want to be clean again. Title: Re: Radical Acceptance Post by: earlyL on February 19, 2017, 03:29:32 PM Hi Marti644,
It sounds like you and I are in really similar places with similar stories. I feel I have reached some acceptance of the situation but I also really struggle with the feeling sad for her about the disorder and processing all the manipulation. I would say that I have got through the worst of the anger, it does take time, it will happen. I totally understand though the damage done re the cheating. I keep having waves of wanting her back and yet when I remember what she has done, and because I know she is trying to make it work with my replacement I cannot understand myself for wanting her back. But it is all a process, just hard to actually get through the hours. I think posting on here is such a great way of moving forward. Do you keep any other writing or journals? I have written my ex a letter each week over the last couple of months, and it is really useful to see how far I have come. The first letters were all about me what I should do to change, I sound so like the victim and it upsets me how I felt that way. Sending strength. |